A Message From Our Leader
Pandemic-related effects on staffing
Due to Brexit-induced bureaucracy
Break international law in a very specific and limited way.
As we account for both the inclement weather the area is seeing
Weapons of mass destruction program-related activities
You will experience more delays than usual today
Resource actions are ongoing as a result of the recent events
Local authorities and the voluntary sector all rose to the challenge.
Their staff went the extra mile ahead of the restructuring activities
The steps we're taking today are painful, but necessary.
We've made the difficult decision to rebalance and seek efficiencies
And sharing the difficult news of involuntary separations
Some of you might be wondering why we haven't done this before
There is one huge difference compared to last year: COVID restrictions
I really do believe that we are entering the last phase of the struggle
Make no mistake, we have a huge opportunity in front of us
This will require relentless focus on initiatives
With a fair wind in our sails and a strength of resolve
There is a material risk of being overwhelmed
That's data that's been in our possession now for a day or so
But we've always taken account of scientific advice, decisively,
Always tried to follow it. That aligns tightly with our strategic priorities.
It is a matter of deep regret and that is what we're doing today
The whole nation has been engaged in a great national effort
Getting the company ready for the next stage of growth
In light of the global coronavirus pandemic and the challenge it poses
I suppose the message is that this is the year of getting things done
This means having the discipline to pull back from those that don't, alas,
We can come together with united spirit
To lift a glass to those who aren't there.
Your Leader
After A Message from our CEO, Potential Service Delays Today, and members of Her Majesty's government lead by Mister Johnson
I've become an afficionado of bureaucratese and the many uses of euphemism. Although I hate to be on the receiving end, I appreciate the education we are all getting on words intended to obscure.
A man stands on a platform. He is about to address a packed audience of Swindlers, Cowards, Bounder, Painted Harridans and Trulls. He opens his mouth to address them. What does he say? He says: "Ladies and Gentlemen."
Human language should be packed with Euphemisms. It is, indeed, proof that man was meant to live with his fellows, and proof also of how difficult it is for man to carry on that task without inordinate friction.
— On Euphemism by Hilaire Belloc
See previously:
This note is part of a series: In a covidious time.
It seems to me that it could also fall under the banner of The Rough Beast, which asks who is writing the script? Do let me know which one fits better.
File under: language, absurd, humour, satire, misdirection, hatchet job, poetry, bureaucracy, culture, observation, perception, rogues, Observers are worried, The Rough Beast, covidious, toli
Writing log: January 14, 2021
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