Buyer's Remorse (Part 4 Fair Warning)
Grifters at work... Part 4 of Buyer's Remorse
IV. Fair Warning
Ananse understood it would be a numbers game in the final analysis
So he had an actuary at his side who could handle the moral calculus
Sika would take the strategic lead in their joint venture of deceit
The sting in the tale they planned to spin: never deal with a cheat
But first they had to get the pieces of their long con into place
Preparation was everything and they couldn't afford any mistakes
The many moving parts of the proposed squeeze play were exacting
In a shell game where you live by your wits, timing is everything
The Wan tribe were not going to waver, they just had to be seen to be on board
But having enlisted the town crier, Sika's proposal could hardly be ignored
If he made the right noises at least some of the outlying towns would be seduced
The optics of disarray and discord would cause the desired effect to be produced
The ultimate prize in the long game they were playing was the Ushers
These last would be pitted against the indefatigable claims adjuster
Observing the cracks in the eastern parts they'd foresee opportunities
Welcome new markets for their cultural exports and business communities
The Usher campaign to break into the Wan's
swiftly developing economies spanned decades
They'd tried all sorts of inducements to no avail,
even humanitarian feints they called aid
It wasn't as if they were putting new wine into old bottles,
but such deals were important
In order to close, they were not above rebadging plain diaper wipes
as thicker and more absorbent
Also the paper trail Sika had laid out was watertight and beyond reproach
As usual the scheme they'd put in place would follow a dual track approach
On the one hand they'd laud the virtues of free enterprise, the market casino
On the other, the underhanded and more efficient resort to the corruption tango
Ananse artfully dropped enough subtle hints of an upside so they could read the signs
The Ushers expected that things would return to their pre-disruption trendlines
'Twas a matter of percentages, they would ready themselves to skim the take
Little did they know that there was a larger game at play, and it was rigged
The law of large numbers, he simply confronted them with a large number of choices
The standard trick to overwhelm buyers, they would fail to listen to any nagging voices
He also made no mention of the usual "all sales are final" clause quite deliberately
His plan if things went south, was to cool them off with a money back guarantee
They hadn't needed the expense and manpower to set up a big store gambit
No pigeon drops, no pig in the poke, no elaborate confidence tricks
Sika and Ananse had simply salted the mine like old time tricksters
A light touch of misdirection in their version of the Spanish Prisoner
...
From afar, the claims adjuster viewed the ongoing machinations with amusement
Surprised, frankly, that humanity would be indifferent to mass extinction events
That, rather than change course and adopt a prudent survival strategy,
They'd decided to risk everything and put their faith in herd immunity
What he beheld was a people unwilling to learn that everything was written in sand
Altogether happy to proceed with their abrogation of the duty of care by the land
Spokesmen enjoining on their community the burden of grief delayed
Who behaved as if everyone ought to move on as if inured to pain
The Ushers' linguist now had a notion that he'd found a gravy train
Seduced by Sika the actuary's promise that they could make it rain
The prospect of unearned income accruing in the suggested quantity
Had completely blinded him to the earlier warning that all is vanity
It was the promise of black gold and cold hard cash, the tactile sensation
Sheer excitement after all these months of lockdown and social isolation
The striking idea that they would be free and clear while making a quick buck
Responsibility demurral was the root cause of their repeated misconduct
The new powerpoint slides and flashy movies made for a pulsating presentation
The chief's scribe and the linguist's guard was drawn down by the implication
The statistics did indeed show the waning effectiveness of the claims adjuster
Combined with the appeal to the history of the great and mighty kingdom of the Ushers
Poised between the new variants and riches,
the Ushers chose without a trace of misgiving
The best thing from Ananse's viewpoint was that
they couldn't claim they hadn't seen it coming
For indeed all the griots in the land of concern
had long been Cassandras calling
When push came to shove,
they'd couldn't but admit they'd been given fair warning
Fair Warning, a playlist
A soundtrack for this note. A cautionary tale in soulful musical form. (spotify version)
- Should've Known Better by Mica Paris and Omar
- I Done told you Baby by The Soul Majestics
- She Took You For A Ride by Aaron Neville
- It's Too Late by Billy Paul
- Told You So Count Basie
- Warn the Nation by The Eagles
Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)
A covidious folktale
This folktale is part of a series: In a covidious time.
Next in Part 5: Caveat EmptorFile under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli
Writing log. May 6, 2022
