Gee Doctor Fauci (Revisited)

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
This strange life is such a mess
Look around, our streets are paved
With discarded rapid tests
Far too many think the pandemic's over
So cavalier and reckless
That we have staffing shortages galore, employee turnover
That's the price you pay for being feckless

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci, you know, I'm ailing
I'm really finding it hard to be a believer
The kid came home from school Friday, sniffling
Just hours later, we found out that he had a fever
What a life, even though the rapid test came back negative
We're all wearing N-95 masks just to be safe

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci
In this minefield of mixed metaphors,
I'm forever drawing a blank
Or, to hearken to pirates of old,
It feels like I'm walking the plank
True, the virus sets the timeline for this crisis
But it's hard to keep living on the precipice

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
You know, I really can't cope
With this covidious business
Daily navigating the tightrope
We are canaries in the mine
Harried, our faces drained of hope
While outside, observers are worried
Waiting for the white puffs of smoke

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci,
They keep making the same mistakes
Behaving, for all intents and purposes,
As if their mind was a clean slate
When you act, without a care,
As if there's no community transmission
If you're lucky, in the best case,
You'll live to regret the decision

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
Please give me a break
A word to the wise:
Open your windows and ventilate
Wear a mask in crowded rooms
Get boosted, don't tempt fate
Lest you end up in the emergency room
Lying in state
And the doctor reminds your kin
That you said "Do not resuscitate"

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
We're really going through the wringer
The former president said it will all just go away by Easter
That we should shine ultraviolet light
And drink bleach; best of luck!
Sure, we voted him out and impeached him
But it's now two years later, what the fuck?

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci
I think it's going to take a miracle
For humanity to abide, as it were,
With the mosquito principle
Those ghouls instantly latched on
To those fateful words: herd immunity
And continue to hold fast, despite the cost,
The very definition of insanity

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
When will they come to their senses?
This plague has so many unintended consequences
On election day you thought you'd take a chance
Now the whole world is strangely out of balance
It's really a tragedy of the commons
When you submit to the rule of morons

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
The latest research confirms
That the plague's most common side effect
Is to make wives unhinged
And husbands truly reckless
Officials at the CDC
Now call these symptoms learning loss
The index case in the study?
The family of Justice Thomas

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci, we're living out Hollywood realities
If you go by how they're managing the pandemic
It's rather like being passengers on the Titanic
Every man for himself, we're not all on the same boat
And then the fat lady sang, "That's all", she wrote

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci I hate to take you to task
I hear you fell prey to the disease and dropped your mask
By lowering your guard at your college reunion
You forgot for a moment and were imprudent
But, as you know, the virus really doesn't care
Indeed, it spreads readily through tainted air

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
At this point I'm so dispirited
The handling of the pandemic
Needs to be revisited
A postmortem on how our leaders botched it
So many infected, they lost it
Due to their incompetence and misrule
Now millions are lying six feet under
Because of these fools

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci, I counted
I'm now up to 60 stanzas, disenchanted
For we're no closer to finally
Finding, a cure for this cancer
Ambivalence, I keep going round in circles
The same themes, concentric
Dissonance, my rhyme scheme meandering
Heavy-handed and more eccentric

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci
Truth be told, I think it's really pathetic
To observe their preferred strategy
For dealing with the pandemic
I daresay that it's a sin and rather odd
Because it's plainly not effective
Indeed it's quite akin
To using the Rhythm Method
As a contraceptive

Soundtrack for this note

I give you three playlists that the Doctor and I have enjoyed over the pandemic

• The Grand Reopening of Texas, a playlist (spotify version)
• Herd Immunity, a playlist (spotify version)
• Telemedicine Consultation, a playlist (spotify version)

See previously The Grand Reopening of Texas, Gee Doctor Fauci (Remixed) and Telemedicine Consultation

This lament with the good doctor is part of a series: In a covidious time.

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, coronavirus, pandemic, politics, rogues, public health, policy, strategy, hatchet job, Observers areworried, Buyer's Remorse, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log: September 3, 2022