I wan bi President

While I'm posting poetry... Ezenwa-Ohaeto is a poet, short-story writer, biographer and literary scholar - he wrote the only good biography of Chinua Achebe. I am more interested in his own writing, his poetry and especially, the expressiveness of his pidgin stylings. Here's one my my favourites - long forwarded around in various email lists for the past decade - still particularly appropriate in this election season.

I wan bi President
By Ezenwa-Ohaeto

E get one dream
Wey dey worry me
I don dream am tire,

If I sleep small
Na di dream go come
If I close eye small
Na di dream go come
If I siddon for chair
say make I rest small
Na di dream go come
I think say na malaria dey come,

For night when I lie for bed
When hunger dey blow me
When I never see food chop
When I never see water drink
Na di dream go come,

E get one dream
wey dey worry me
Di dream bi say
I wan bi President,

I never see President hungry
I never see President thirsty
President no go worry for road
Police no go stop am for checking
President no go worry for house
Na government cook dey make food
Na government driver dey drive motor
Na him make I wan bi President
President dey go where e Re
President dey do wetin e like
if President wan travel
Na siren dey clear road
param. param piroo piroo
Every car go run comot for road too
Na President dey pass for road,

Dem go close di road
Dem go close even air too
Dem go take one car carry am
Dem go take another one dey follow
All dem vehicle tyre dey new
All dem vehicle engine dey new
Di seat go clean well well
Na President get country

I never see President walk ten mile
If e wan go give person message,
I never see President begin cry
If e no see motor wey go carry-am
I never see President push truck
From morning reach night
Even if e no find ten kobo chop,

I never see President go farm
With hoe wey don spoil finish
De day e dey plant crop for farm
Na him make I wan be President,

if you see President him servant
Dem body dey fat well well
if you see President him wife
She go dey smile as e dey happy
If you see President him children
Na guard go dey follow dem
Na special treatment dem go get

Na'im make I wan bi President,

President dey different different sha!
Some president dem dey
Wey no dey win election
Some president dem dey
Wey no dey lose election
Some president dem dey
Wey dey rule forever,

President dey different different sha!
Some President dem dey
Wey no dey win election
Some President dem dey
Wey no dey lose election
Some President dem dey
Wey dey rule forever,

President dey different different
Some President dem dey
Wey dey make ideology
Dey look Like person wey no see food chop
Some president dem dey
Wey dey worry make dem country better
You go see suffer for dem face
Some President dem dey
Wey dey kill person like dem bi flies
If you frown face na firing squad
If you say you no see food chop
Na bullet you go see chop one time
Some president dem dey
Wey don fat like person we dey for fattening room
President dey different different

If President go oversea
Na for red carpet e go walk
Na so so salute dem go dey make
Na special aeroplane go carry am
Na for best hotel e go sleep
Dem fit give am special woman sef for night
President fit take cocaine travel too
E fit carry heroin dey go
E fit bring hemp return
Dem no dey search President,
I wan bi President like Russia dem own
If him sneeze every country go begin cry
I wan be President like America dem own
If him cough every country go begin weep,

I wan be President
If I wan marry beautiful wife
I go order make she come
If I wan chop better food
I go order make dem go bring am
If I wan girlfriend sef
Na so I go send driver for evening,

I wan bi President
For work no go dey trouble me
I go dey make enjoyment as I like
Person go write my speech
Person go drive di car
I fit send person sef make e go read am,

I wan bi President If food no dey market I no worry If dem say price don rise I no go worry If salary no come on time I no go worry If petrol dey cost too much I no go worry If sanitation exercise dey I no go worry If na religion trouble dey I no go worry I wan bi President
Make people enjoy too
Wetin bi federal character
Every industry go dey there
Wetin bi disadvantaged area
Every appointment go go there
Wetin bi geographical spread
every promotion go bi for dem.
Federal character na for person wey no get broda,

I wan bi President
We dem go dey praise
Every street 4 go carry my name
I go rename all university for di country
All di town go carry my name

'if dem publish newspaper or magazine
Wey curse me even small
Na bomb I go take teach dem lesson

If I dey pass for road
Every person go stand dey wave
I wan bi President
Make I get plenty titles
Dem go call me de Excellency
I go bi Cornmander-in-Chief
I fit bi Field Marshall and Admiral
I go bi Lion of de Niger
I go answer Grand Commander of di Nation
Dem go address me as snake wey get forest,

My broda.
I wan bi President
Even for my Papa House

But na dream I dey dream.

File under: Africa, Nigeria, culture, humour, literature, politics, pidgin, language, toli