Gee Doctor Fauci (Once Again)

Gee kindly Dr Fauci they tell me you retired
But this pandemic is still a raging fire:
Everyone at work is out sick
Oh, some say "personal responsibility",
It's on them, they could have worn masks
But better ventilation would have been cheaper clearly
Is that really too much to ask?

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci
Have a talk with the folks at the CDC
They won't listen to a comment coming from me
They seem to have forgotten their mission statement
Surely it's better for public health to try to prevent
Than to give in and manage the aftermath
Of mass disabling events

Gee kindly Dr Fauci
The issue is rather emotive
There's a nagging sense that it's all about the profit motive
Have you seen the price, these days, of a course of Paxlovid?
And the insurance won't cover it if you keep getting sick
Sticker shock for my colleague,
In the thick of it

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci
They say that every day is for the thief
And viruses too, I guess
All that's left for us is tears
The great object lesson of the past few years:
That it's far easier for many to stick to pleasant beliefs
Than accept that no one is coming to give us relief

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci
Do you remember?
The good old days
A sentimental sort -
I was thinking back with nostalgia
Remembering the second wave
Back then vaccines were coming
We really thought that we might be winning
Ah well, reality will always prevail over wishful thinking

Gee kindly Dr Fauci please put the issue to bed
They've been saying for years now that the pandemic is over
Repeating it and shouting it increasingly louder
This may be the case, but hear me out instead
Was it Keynes, that prescient one, who once said
In the long run we are all dead

Gee kindly Dr Fauci
What's really in a name?
Is naming destiny?
Or is it simply easier to blame?
In math class, they taught us about irrational numbers
Yet they won't name any new variant Pi
Hmm, makes you wonder
Those three musketeers of fate again:
Irony, infamy and goddamn lies

Gee kindly Dr Fauci I think it was Belloc who once said
Apropos irony, that altogether sublime form of jest,
That it was in the nature of irony
That it should avenge the truth
But there's no consolation as yet
The cowboy never came to save America
They say that he died in his boots

Dear kindly Dr Fauci I confess that I rather miss the joys of indoor dining
And movies, and nightclubs, and the fun of entertaining
It's a bit like swallowing a bitter pill
A part of my life sadly forsaken for fear of falling ill
Instead, prudence, it's takeout and Netflix and Chill

Gee kindly Doctor Fauci, consider a play in two acts
For, in this day and age, we need some relief
Between an audience and writer there exists a kind of pact:
The suspension of disbelief
Between a population and a virus there is a matter of fact:
The immutability of the laws of grief

Dear kindly Doctor Fauci please give me a break
After seventy stanzas I thought this must be a mistake
That our conversations were surely complete
Instead, I've had to admit a miserable defeat
And call you up for yet another consultation
For this pandemic shows no sign of ending...

Soundtrack for this note

A few playlists that the good doctor and I have enjoyed over the pandemic

• The Grand Reopening of Texas, a playlist (spotify version)
• Herd Immunity, a playlist (spotify version)

...

See previous consultations with Doctor Fauci:

• The Grand Reopening of Texas
• Gee Doctor Fauci (Remixed)
• Telemedicine Consultation
• Gee Doctor Fauci (Revisited)

This lament with the good doctor is part of a series: In a covidious time.

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, coronavirus, pandemic, politics, rogues, public health, policy, strategy, hatchet job, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log: February 16, 2024