Buyer's Remorse (Part 3 The Situation Thereof)

Southern stress tests... Part 3 of Buyer's Remorse

III. The Situation Thereof

Suffice to say that the claims adjuster had been rather impressed
With the way the tribes of Agona had confronted the heart of darkness
Far from succumbing to the new variants introduced by their tormentor
Precious few of their settlements had turned into new epicenters

The lack of casualties had left observers perplexed
For they could no longer invoke their savior complex
The routine lectures and platitudes they picked off the shelf
Would now face the rejoinder: physician, heal thyself

It was one thing to acknowledge their dire state of poverty
But watching the rest of the world succumb to excess mortality
Had left them open to the possibilities of renewed confidence
Especially as they realized the wages of observed competence

True there were those who emphasized the youth of their populace
Discounting the pragmatism with which they had countered the menace
Pointing to their lack of facility with the ins and outs of accounting
Damning them with faint praise, their success was said to be confounding

They'd accepted leftovers from Tedros of Who and kept a low profile
No, he gave them all due credit, they'd paid penance contra denial
But the relative respite begged the question: were their rulers legitimate?
Their sole remaining assets, Asase Yaa's excessive liability certificates

As he unwound the scrolls, he perused the situation reports
Making sure to cross check what he'd found in the courts
Still, the stress test of humanity he'd initiated was dragging on
He wondered if the dwellers of the torrid zone could withstand the situation

But perhaps all the claims adjuster needed to do was to bear witness
The cast of characters in their lands were known for their brazenness
The chief of Rata, glad to be back in power, had promptly reverted to embezzling
Despite all the repeated warnings about the rising threat of inflation

To the bill of goods that was the routine economic mismanagement
One could always find those prone to succumb to martial entanglements
The proud scribes of Piatra agitated for war and bit off more they could chew
Their warriors were roundly defeated in pitched battles and had to be rescued

But most troubling was the situation in Santara which had come to a boil
To prevent a return of hunger season, their Okyeame banned the export of palm oil
His faint hope was that this structural adjustment was worthy of Machiavelli
But with these leading indicators on hand the claims adjuster now had a casus belli

What, after all, was the proposed basis of this new normalcy
To turn back the clock to a time when life was carefree?
Or to build a new way of life cognizant of the new restrictions?
A dilemma that had all the makings of a chicken and egg situation

Would they learn their lessons and heed the mosquito principle
Or give in to insatiable appetites as if they were invincible?
The gods would be watching closely to see if they reached a consensus
For it was an article of faith even to the gods to protect the least of us

There was enough of an opening in these reports of dysfunction
For the claims adjuster to reassert to them that no one was coming
And to those who would suggest that the situation thereof was unfair
He had the ready retort: a barking dog does not lie in the hyena's lair

Situation, a playlist

A soundtrack for all types of situations. The claims adjuster is on the case. (spotify version)

• Situation by Yaz
• Tight Situation by Beres Hammond
• Groovy Situation by Gene Chandler
  Lauded as the coinage of Can you dig it?
• 700 Mile Situation by Res
• Situation by Aurlus Mabele
  The King of Soukous was one of the first to succumb to this covidious plague. He is sorely missed
• Reviewing the Situation by Galliano
• It's a Desperate Situation by Marvin Gaye
• Situation by Leroy Sibbles
• A Funky Situation by Wilson Pickett
• Touch and Go Situation by Beres Hammond
• Groovy Situation by Derrick Harriott
• It's a Funny Situation by Dee Dee Sharp
• Making the Best of a Bad Situation by Millie Jackson
• It's a Desperate Situation by Jimmy Ruffin
• Good Situation by UB40
• Chicken and Egg Situation by Iman
• Situation by Asa
• Funky Situation by The Commodores
• A Bit of an Awkward Situation by Tangerine Dream
• Sexy Situation by Sly & the Family Stone
• Situation #9 by Club Nouveau
• D Fuse the Situation by Pieces of a Dream
• Peculiar Situation by Earl Klugh

Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)

A covidious folktale

1. Buying Opportunity
2. Tempting the Town Crier
3. The Situation Thereof
4. Fair Warning

This folktale is part of a series: In a covidious time.

Next in Part 4: Fair Warning

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 5, 2022

Buyer's Remorse (Part 2 Tempting the Town Crier)

A surge in the East... Part 2 of Buyer's Remorse

II. Tempting the Town Crier

This time around, the town crier beat the gong as he prepared to deliver the bad news
Quite simply the folks in Chwedru had reached the limits of zero tolerance
True, they had faithfully paid all premiums due for their soul insurance
But after two years of skimping on preparation, there was no valid excuse

The scribes were no fools, they realized they had to change course
For it would be no use at this stage to invoke the force majeure clause
It really didn't auger well that the gong was being beaten
That was surely an impending sign of a sticky situation

The common folk of the Wan tribe had long accepted the elders' authority
The unwritten contract was that human life, hard as it was, had sanctity
Most importantly, the hunger seasons of yore would never again be observed
If avoiding such troubles was no longer guaranteed, their power could not be preserved

Supply chains be damned, it wasn't even close to a dilemma
Their response was clear and swiftly conveyed to the town crier
They would immediately double down on the restrictions
And strongly recommend to all emotional vaccinations

Word was sent to the herbalists to produce new concoctions
All able bodied Wan should heed the call for battle stations
The standing army, long inactive, would be readied straightaway
And on the farms, reserve crops would be harvested without delay

The town crier, at length, conferred with the chief scribe and the linguists
These last had a weary air to them, you might call them pessimists
They had seen the rest of the world in upheaval, as if in a daze
And were proud they had so far managed to avoid even a second wave

Under the palaver tree, they debated the situation
Needless to say they had to take tough decisions
They tallied the upcoming festivals that would need to be postponed
Lest the entire tribe end up like those in the torrid zone

Once the course of action was decided there could be no second guessing
Their strategic resolve was unshakeable, there was no window dressing
The division of labor would fall into place, the rest was organization
Collective responsibility was the policy, they would brook no deviation

...

It was as he left the Wan settlements that the town crier was accosted
Ananse the Spider had decided that a direct approach was warranted
Without any preliminaries, he simply handed over a large monetary package
And asked straight up if that was sufficient compensation for the proposed damage

The town crier was rather impressed
   by the full frontal assault on his probity
He was sufficiently malleable by temperament
   (having what you might call moral flexibility)
He calmly assessed the assumed wages
   of this proposed integrity abasement

"Throw in a bottle of Schnapps and gourd of palm wine,
   that should be sufficient"

Good help came cheap these days, Ananse had to admit
There was almost no need to negotiate the misdeed
Just a few choice words as he explained the outline of his plan
And before long, he heard those three words: "I'm your man"

A goat doesn't pass a leopard's door, it wasn't mere survival bias
Such unerring instincts had long guided Ananse in his dealings
Limiting one's exposure, what some would term common sense
Surprisingly enough turned out to be uncommon in those lands

It's not so much that he was the greatest of grifters
The truth was that there would always be takers
Humanity was easily dazzled by rhetoric that sparkled
Hastening, as ever, to prove that gullibility was immortal

Temptation, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note. It's hard to resist the musical commentary. (spotify version)

• Man's Temptation by The Impressions
• Tempted to Touch by Beres Hammond
• Temptation by Yemi Alade
• Temptation by Prince
• Man's Temptation by Gene Chandler
• Temptation by Charlie Parker

Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)

A covidious folktale

1. Buying Opportunity
2. Tempting the Town Crier
3. The Situation Thereof

This folktale is part of a series: In a covidious time.

Next in Part 3: The Situation Thereof

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 3, 2022