Free-For-All

It was a question of nerve
  and, when it came down to it, the Wan blinked first
After their scribes threw in the towel,
  they succumbed to humanity's curse
In a moment, it seemed, they upended all their previous mitigations
Pivoting to the new normal, they said, they lifted all restrictions

That it was time to return to normalcy was the considered feeling
Truth be told, there was, in this, a large element of wishful thinking
And the evidence was clear, they'd been inadequate with this change of plans
The toll quickly showed they'd chosen a lower tier of soul insurance

For, beyond emotional vaccination, one needed inoculation effectiveness
Herd immunity was indeed a chimera,
  for now the whole land was a mess
It was every man for themselves, whiplash throughout the populace
Who would bear the heavy burden of the good scribes's mistakes

The historians would later ask, did they consider the alternatives?
The way these academics do, making hay at length about what ifs
They could have at least waited until after their lunar new year
What did they gain by so precipitously succumbing to fear?

And the optics weren't good, the whole world would be disbelieving
Any statistics now profferred would be taken as those Wan deceiving
All we know was that they were finally going through their second wave
Although, with the kind of numbers affected,
  fortune would only favor the brave

Hastily abandoned, previous certainties were now summarily dismissed
Yet saving face meant that no one could admit that anything was amiss
A confusion of discarded policies that were no longer compelling
The official silence that reigned in those ghastly few months was telling

Leveling up - or down as the case really proved to be
Now there was no sanctuary on hand for the catastrophe
The whole world placed as it were in the thick of it
Global narrative collapse with its striking deficits

Ananse hankered down with his family,
  best to keep quiet and watch what would unfold
In the aftermath, there would be more opportunity,
  of this he didn't need to be told
The Wan, it seemed, had calculated
 and decided on what amounted to acceptable loss
As the old proverb went: one cannot separate fighting horses with millet stalks

Weary times would follow, the toll of those days was rather harrowing
When all around everyone in the grip of the gods' cauldron was suffering
Ananse beheld so many that were complaining of these significations and wonders
Perplexing given that they'd had the opportunity to prevent the earlier blunders

It was the inconvenience that was the prime bone of contention
The notion that it was no longer worth favoring prevention
The change of policy had scuppered any goodwill, crossing the spider
He never forgot a grudge,
 in good time they would have something to remember

And so zero tolerance would be a thing of the past
It was surely inevitable that they couldn't hold fast
Now that caution was foregone, in its place came laissez faire
We would have no more examples of humanity's strategic savoir faire

The last sanctuary, then, swiftly descended into upheaval
A return to the worst of plague living, echoes of the medieval
The Gods had put all to the test, even those without the wherewithal
And with no place to hide on earth. We would all face this free-for-all

Free For All, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• Free For All by Art Blakey & the Jazz Messengers
• Every Man For Himself by Coleman Hawkins
• Upside Down by Diana Ross
• Topsy Turvy by Earl Hines
• No Rules by Trini Baby & Robelto
• Topsy Turvy by Bud Powell
• Back at One by Brian McKnight

See previously: Shakedown

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log: May 27, 2023

Shakedown (Part π Pay the Piper)

A new variant by any other name, this one came in many disguises
The claims adjuster decided that naming it Pi was not needed for this crisis
Let things evolve independently, trust in the process of natural selection
Buyer beware, humanity had been given fair warning about the threat of mutations

Thus he released a swarm of new ailments, troubling in their variety
Escape artists altogether adept at evading mitigations in their entirety
Cerberus, Centaurus, Hydra, the nicknames were telling for this pressure group
A cloud of stealthy lineages with growth advantages, some called them grief soup

Unlike the angels, the claims adjuster was not possessed with a rhadamanthine spirit
A pragmatic sort, he considered all arguments he beheld strictly on their merits
He was not averse to give and take, he would agree to reasonable accommodation
The caveat in his dealings was that he could not tolerate duty abrogation

He heard the elevator pitches from the delegates of the Ushers
Rather full of pretension, they had aspirations of grandeur
Some griots might label their posturing as akin to erstwhile Pharisees
When, at heart all that drove them was the profit motive and its sanctity

The law was for their friends, often irrelevant, and applied selectively
But, when it came to their enemies, they expected strict severity
Onerous, they loaded their side of the scale, the contest was unequal
Yet, by their rhetoric, they were worthy victors, men of the people

Justice from their point of view was merely a gesture
To be ignored in the heat of the deal at their leisure
Enamored of exclusivity, they wanted the lion's share of the pie
Indeed, theirs was a policy towards others of default deny

Inscrutable obstacles they erected, what mattered was who paid the piper
Impenetrable defenses, secret codes that were impossible to decipher
Poised between despair and folly, it was the reign of the incurious
A sad state of affairs when ignorance was the prevailing consensus

...

Third time's the charm, Ananse decided to let his comperes lead the delegation
There was no need, with these careless Ushers, for a personal intervention
Sika, with her actuarial prowess, essentially promised an investment safe harbor
The chief linguist and head scribe plainly assumed that everything was in order

They hadn't realized that their old playbook had been rendered obsolete
Without a reappraisal, they were well and truly heading for defeat
Concerted action, and, most of all, cooperation, was what was needed
But alas, short-sightedness meant that a decisive response was impeded

Shakedown, the Ushers hadn't realized they'd been placed in a straitjacket
For Ananse had devised the ultimate shell game, a kind of protection racket
And by playing them off the gods and the claims adjuster with his mystic brew
He wouldn't even need to seek to hustle the other tribes for further revenue

...

Out of Agona always something new went the old saying
Life in the torrid zone was brutish, harsh and often dismaying
But constraints and necessity seemed to foster invention
Moreover they accepted the value of an ounce of prevention

They'd had to keep their heads down throughout the crisis
Having meager rations of even the most basic prophylaxis
Luckily their old ways, living mostly outdoors, conferred a few advantages
But as normalcy was reasserted they would slowly lose those temporary privileges

They realized they had a long journey ahead but now had better examples
Eyes open, they'd seen what the Wan tribe could achieve by being sensible
That flashy appeals, seductive as they may have been, were no substitute for planning
That by staying the course they could perhaps leapfrog development and continue advancing

...

And so back to the Ushers, Dear Reader,
  how would they handle the weight?
Truth be told, it was only on the matter of form
 that there was a little debate
Since their herd immunity was to shame, they were hardly blameless
The claims adjuster was under no obligation to make things painless

Nyame observed their insatiable appetites,
 incorrigible, they continued to misbehave
Altogether irrational behavior,
 they would soon look back fondly on the second wave
The gathering storm was on hand
 and there was a clear deficit of disaster relief
The tale of the lost stories,
 they'd now have to abide with the laws of grief

The tipping point was the specter of the looming claims adjuster
Which impressed on the majority how close they had come to disaster
A bitter lesson learned, they would be consigned to internal displacement
For not having heeded the warning: greed always brings its own punishment

Shakedown, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• Shake you Down by Gregory Abbott
• People get Ready by Brand New Heavies
• Risin' to the Top by Keni Burke
• Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground) by The Jacksons
• Let's Get Back to Love by Loose Ends
• Shakedown by Brand New Heavies
• Your Mess by Omar
• (If You Ain't) Comfortable by Lynden David Hall
• Soul Shakedown Party by Bob Marley
• Shake Down Blues by Blind Boy Fuller
• Shake Down by Evelyn "Champagne" King

See previously Shakedown Part 1, Protection Racket Part 2 and A Modern Bestiary Part 3


The Soul Insurance suite of folktales:

• Soul Insurance
• Buyer's Remorse
• Shakedown

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. October 9, 2022

Shakedown (Part III A Modern Bestiary)

Everything is local but, for once, the tables were turned
A global calamity, a clear opportunity for lessons to be learned
The shakedown had clarified a taxonomy of optimists and pessimists
A hierarchy of outlooks astride the great game of power and politics

Some put their faith in the state, the competence of the chiefs was unquestioned
A matter of organization, for their high priesthood, of rules and regulations
Call them optimists, the power of the collective was their proving ground
Leading by example, with a touch of advocacy, the rest would come around

Their leading lights lived mainly in the environs of Chwedru, to the east
The Wan tribe had a strict policy of zero tolerance for social diseases
Clear-eyed about the efficacy of doctrine, and serious, they brooked no loose ends
A coterie of technocrats at heart bent on engineering the right dividends

The other side of the coin, protectionist by nature, craved independence
Closed borders, crass provincialism, the very antithesis of openness
Nationalists of a sort, touting the virtues of self-sufficiency
Fatalistic opinions, a dim view of the prospects for humanity

Still, never let a crisis go to waste, it was a buying opportunity
This foundational insight lay at the very heart of their identity
Caricatured as common vultures, feasting on the carrion of catastrophe
Danger lay everywhere, only the paranoid survived latent vulnerability

These others, Ushers mostly, believed strongly that it was every man for himself
Effective cooperation was a pipe dream, they thought, it simply couldn't be helped
They would always make the best of a bad situation
Seeking every advantage to enhance their position

All of the three tribes of humanity were afflicted with disaster capitalists
It seemed quite clear that there was an influential cohort of catastrophists
Who would squeeze the lifeblood, the very essence, at every opportunity
The last gasps were their rightful due, profits, the fruits of inequality

Black gold to extract, fodder for crown jewels
They believed in the reign of the righteous few
Going by past evidence, they were certain that their position would be strengthened
Indeed the tensions of the present moment rather heightened the contradictions

Armed with trickle down bromides out of the mouth of juju tricksters
Dispensing sweet lies, the opiates of the masses, voodoo elixirs
With marketing prowess in abundance, masters of the art of the deal
Those rubes in the torrid zone would surely succumb to their appeal

And even the less cynical thought that a technological fix was in order
The medicine men and the panoply of scribes would surely find a panacea
And even if the notion of herd immunity had proved to be a chimera
The lesson was clear: error is a poor friend but an excellent teacher

The stage was set, the afflictions of the gods had raised a challenge
Would humanity, in the face of such different postures, be able to manage?
Between those who expected fundamental change and even better days ahead
Or those who were bent on consolidation amidst social upheaval instead

Shakedown, jostling for power, a radical restructuring
Which way would the tribes go in the face of this testing?
The challenge had been raised, now it was down to performance
Those who seemed best prepared had paid their soul insurance

Shakedown, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

See previously Shakedown Part 1 and Protection Racket Part 2

Next in Part π Pressure Group, new variants on the horizon


File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. October 7, 2022

Shakedown (Part II Protection Racket)

Ananse was a folk etymologist at heart, a man of the people
The spider kept his ear to the ground as he considered the sequel
What glorious phrase would future scribes use to coin his next endeavor?
How to top his previous mischief and count the ways in which he was clever

Shakedown - rather than a search, a process or a period of adjustment
The definition of shakedown that he preferred was readily apparent
He'd done it repeatedly, the squeeze plays of yore had come to fruition
Yes indeed, he was ready to embark on another instance of subtle extortion

He recalled that the chief linguist of the Ushers was a man of few principles
Indeed, he'd tried to cut him out of the earlier deal, the dirty rotten scoundrel
Functional defenestration was the prospect now that his red lines had been crossed
For a toothless dog contents itself with licking the bones it is tossed

Never one to forget a slight, he resolved to press ahead with his approach
He would emphasize that his no pressure tactics were beyond reproach
Add a sweetener, mention that his policies came with an extended warranty
Throw in a no fault clause or even, if need be, a money back guarantee

Along with Sika the actuary, he prepared the shape of the package
Not that he expected them to do due diligence, that he could manage
No, the threat raised of the claims adjuster's wrath would be the stern stick
Their thoughtful words, honeyed at that, would be the carrot that would mislead

This had all the makings of the ultimate protection racket
For the Ushers had painted themselves as an attractive target
Preparation was all, he would engage every option as a backup plan
Fifi, that young wastrel, duly suborned, would be his inside man

Of course, he would structure the transaction with opaque layers
They would be unable to perceive the extent of their betrayal
By the time they would discover the deception, it would be too late
And the mortification at their now-obvious failure would be great

Ananse was mindful of the old proverb that explained it best
Namely that when a farmer is clearing a path in the forest,
It is only somebody else who stands behind them - and this was the insight
Who can actually tell that the path is veering to the left or the right

With sleight of hand, misdirection and other elements of deceit
What they believed was immaterial, what mattered was their conceit
Such were the main tricks of the trade, along with a touch of hyperbole
All of which worked to confound, relying on the inability to properly see

If indeed beauty and greed lay in the eye of the beholder
Ananse held that blindness and conceit were the prey of the deceiver
While it was said that the best cons were elegantly wrought
Experience taught that you should always check what you bought

Shakedown, then, the lynchpin of Ananse's strategy
Shakedown, mindful of humanity's peculiarities
Shake down and see who is ultimately left standing
Shake them down, they were headed for a hard landing

The Ushers fancied themself sophisticates and rugged individualists
Unable to consider the collective, they simply ignored systemic risk
A disastrous posture when the gods were set on testing their mettle
Force majeure, market turmoil would reveal the extent of the bezzle

Shakedown, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)


See previously Shakedown Part 1

Next in Part 3 A Bestiary of Sorts

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. October 6, 2022

Shakedown

To the gods, the evidence was clear, if not incontrovertible
That humanity had decided to forgo the mosquito principle
For their appetites were proving to be, as advertised, insatiable
They were content to accept losses that were once said to be incalculable

Without skipping a beat, some had even returned to their violent ways
Unable to suppress their pathologies, they had been counting the days
Lining up conquests to embark on and making blunt threats of annexation
The specter of grievous calamity, they roundly dismissed as mere vexation

The poisoned chalice of free will was such that you could choose to be insane
But after a fair warning, the punishment due was the application of pain
By this stage, the claims adjuster was well practiced so he remained patient
After all, enforcing the gods' will was only a matter of launching a new variant

Still it was rather puzzling, the situation that humanity faced
The nature of their hubris, the bravado and confidence misplaced
Rather than accept the lessons of the global pause and embrace solidarity
Their vision of the new world order was strictly limited to the pecuniary

The commercial among them had taken extreme measures to preserve their interests
The profit imperative had blinded them to sense and made them thoroughly reckless
Business never personal, went their mantra, easy money, unearned rents
The prospect of a hard day's work for them was simply without precedent

As to the gods, the minds of Nyame and Nyankopon were firmly set on a shakedown
To place humanity under continued scrutiny, a kind of metaphorical lockdown
A thoroughgoing investigation of their tendency to be reckless
What central bankers in these modern times might call a stress test

Odomankoma and Asase Yaa, on this matter, were more tolerant and considerate
Laissez faire by inclination, theirs was a light touch take on this debate
Willing to cut humanity a little slack so long as they didn't make a fuss
And even more if they made good faith efforts to protect the least of us

And one could point to a few signs of realignment
The picture was mixed, it was not all disappointment
One heard in parts of some amount of forbearance
Cutting through perhaps, the lessons of soul insurance

But there were limits, and these turned on matters of integrity
It wouldn't do to allow rank sin and iniquity
Agency was one thing but it was hard to abide hypocrisy
After all, the phrase did have meaning: excessive liability

Nyame took the lead in enforcement and made to summon the claims adjuster
This last reassured the god that plans were well advanced for humanity's next chapter
Indeed before long they'd be cast as stars of modern day horror stories
Staffing shortages and supply chain snafus would be the least of their worries

Still, Nyame reiterated that due process must be followed
Nyankopon added that the social fabric need not be hollowed
That lip service be paid to probity in as much as could be managed
Although the response from the gods must, of necessity, be seen to be savage

The claims adjuster agreed that it was time to put his foot down
And set about to put into high gear the plans for the shakedown
Serendipity, as far as variants went, he'd now reached the magic number
Pi, archaic though it may be, it would give them something to remember

Shakedown, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• Shake you Down by Gregory Abbott
• People get Ready by Brand New Heavies
• Risin' to the Top by Keni Burke
• Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground) by The Jacksons
• Let's Get Back to Love by Loose Ends
• Shakedown by Brand New Heavies
• Your Mess by Omar
• (If You Ain't) Comfortable by Lynden David Hall
• Soul Shakedown Party by Bob Marley
• Shake Down Blues by Blind Boy Fuller
• Shake Down by Evelyn "Champagne" King

Next in Part II Protection Racket, Ananse seeks easy profits and Part III A Modern Bestiary, a book of beasts.

See the previous covidious folktales: Soul Insurance and Buyer's Remorse

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. October 5, 2022

Proud Nimrod

It is said, in the good books, that Nimrod was a tyrant
That, full of himself, he rose against God's representative
Abraham in the Jewish tradition, Ibrahim in the Moslem
Further, he decided to challenge God himself
And ordered that the Tower of Babel be constructed
Every schoolchild knows what happened to that project
Archaeology would leave no visible trace in its record
Rather it was the linguists who were rewarded by his efforts

His next gambit was a further attempt to contact the heavens
He mounted in an eagle-drawn chariot to reach the sky
Legend has it that, for his troubles, a mosquito was dispatched
(In some Sephardic traditions, the buzzing tormentor was a gnat)
The mosquito would drive him crazy and altogether mad
One thousand years, this punishment was said to last
In some renderings, it is his entire army that was said to be afflicted
But, in most, the gods were specific: Nimrod was the only one targeted

Another scribe recounts when he threw Abraham into a bonfire
Only to have the latter shielded by the angel Gabriel
Thus saved from the burning coals, Abraham would walk out triumphant
While his antagonist was left punished with unbearable sounds inside his head

Cautionary tales abound on this man who paints a stark figure
The arrogance of the king, who lived surrounded by wooden idols
The object lesson, the temerity of God's would-be rival

Thus it was that proud Nimrod was brought low
Tormented as we've seen by a mere mosquito
Buzzing in his mind for a thousand years
So troubled that he would order some of his soldiers
To strike him upon his head for good measure
Taking turns to administer the beatings and customary slaps
Many generations would be raised to this curious soundtrack

To his way of thinking, far better a concussion
Than this continued auditory hallucination
That for his temerity, the gods had offered this baleful choice
The quality of suffering heavy blows weighed against piercing insect voices

There remains considerable controversy among scholars
About the subsequent course of events for the stories peter out
For some historians, the lack of further detail is to be expected
To their thinking, the gods's action spoke for itself,
Mankind would draw the obvious conclusion
The moderns love Nimrod's stories as striking illustrations,
Vivid manifestations even, of public health lessons
The recipe of unbounded hubris and believing that one was invincible
Only to be brought low by the invocation of the mosquito principle

Brought Low, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• Brought Low by Benjamin Muñiz Matlack
• Down with the King by RUN DMC
• Down by Amel Larrieux
• Nimrod by Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
• Pride and Vanity by Ohio Players
• Mosquito by The G.G. All Stars

File under: myth, religion, folktale, legend, culture, observation, perception, history, hubris, huhudious, humour, poetry, Observers are worried, toli

Writing log: July 1, 2022

Buyer's Remorse (Part 5 Caveat Emptor)

Buyer beware... the conclusion of Buyer's Remorse

V. Caveat Emptor

Fifi had managed to procure a side deal
   offering personal protective equipment
His firm had no experience in manufacturing
   yet the profits he saw were indecent
The elders of the Ushers had vouchsafed
   his bonafides and competence
For excessive scrutiny on the contracts
   would betray a lack of confidence

Their scribes and linguists were keenly aware
   about the prevailing tendency
With trend-surfing alacrity, they were obliged
   to watch the mood of the country
The elders navigated the zeitgeist but, in this respect,
   their strategy was crude
For although they disposed of the reins of power,
   they did not create the mood

When in bubble territory, all was permitted
   so long as there was a greater fool
To be left holding worthless assets
   while you calmly counted your new jewels
It was explicit, every man for himself,
   they rather expected collateral damage
But, given that they'd been bailed out repeatedly,
   they felt free to take every advantage

It was a risk worth taking, in extremis
   they'd expect the treasurers to step in and lend freely
And as rule makers, nostrums about high rates or solvency
   would be ignored rather conveniently
As to survival checks for the common folk,
   they’d raise the issue of moral hazard and its specter
And jump up on their high horses,
   loudly bemoaning handouts and welfare in scolding lectures

The Ushers had gone all-in with leverage
   following a high risk strategy
But it turned out that they'd run up
   against a fearsome and capable adversary
The Wan tribe had reserves of strength and discipline
   that caused them to be underestimated
Inscrutable and hard working went the stereotype,
   but their savoir faire was often discounted

They'd paid lip service to the entreaties
   of the vulture capitalists that surrounded them
Opening up at their periphery but, as Ananse and Sika expected,
   they didn't let their guard down
Thus the flow of money would be bound to continue as promised
The possibility of a lucrative payoff would be hard to dismiss

Middlemen in a two-sided network,
   they collected their ample cut and transaction fees
It was now time to move on and,
   as they tallied the profits, they were very pleased
They pitied the Ushers' eminent braintrust
   of high officials with all their degrees
For these last had failed to perform due diligence
   and were now no longer at ease

Indeed the Ushers' soothsayer sounded the cry,
   "Cash, cold cash", and started a lament
As the returns came in and were reconciled,
   the scale of the disaster became apparent
They appealed to the Grand Treasurers
   to step in as buyers of last resort
But were surprised by the bankers' response:

"There's no buyer's remorse"

The lesson they were learning
   was that buyer's remorse is a funny thing
At the time that you bought something,
   you might have had some misgivings
But you went ahead, the impulse or the moment,
   for whatever reason, it just felt right
But then you encounter a seller
   who doesn't believe that the customer is always right

Later, you’ve changed your mind,
   and now there's a mountain of regret
Lamentations and suffering,
   but you can't say that you were misled
To turn back the clock and retrace your steps,
   the urge to recapture
Instead you're left rueing
   the wages of your myopic misadventure

...

The folks from the torrid zone stayed silent,
   as ever, they were reactive
Lacking capital, they’d had to keep their heads down
   and didn’t participate in this initiative
Those out of Agona had tried to heed the warnings of the gods
   and follow their advice
Still, many in their ranks found it hard to live this life
   of restraint and quiet sacrifice

The advocates of social living and the mosquito principle
   were faced with a great dilemma
Soul insurance has always needed better public relations,
   if not crises of power
Greed, expediency, and fear mongering
   were the things that moved the political needle
Restraint was a hard sell,
   the temptation was to seize the moment and veer towards the illegal

The gods observed the situation and gathered
   in the private chambers of the Supreme Council
The claims adjuster narrated the many ways
   in which the tribes had ignored his counsel
What with their philandering ways
   and flagrant violations of common decency and more
Heck they had even flouted conventions
   and needlessly initiated another cold war

Nyame and Nyankopon understood that further punishment was warranted
   and quickly gave their blessing
Odomankoma and Asase Yaa wavered (they had a soft spot)
   but saw the virtue of teaching human beings a lesson
The claims adjuster was given leave
   to continue putting humanity through its paces
He promptly unveiled a new variant that combined all the worst traits.
   He was off to the races

"There's a heavy price to pay for wishful thinking
   and this unseemly nostalgia
'Tis quite the pity, but you can't say you weren't warned",
   intoned the claims adjuster
"Recall the Angolan proverb,
   a woman who wants a child doesn't sleep in her clothes
It may sound harsh, but what one reaps come harvest time
   depends on what one sows"

Your narrator, an exiled soul from the torrid zone,
   must now take my leave, Dear Reader
And for the last word in this tall tale,
   we have the quip from Ananse the Spider
Caveat emptor foremost,
   then a piece of wisdom on buyer's remorse that never gets old:

The stone that lies at the bottom of the riverbed cannot complain about feeling cold

Buyer's Remorse, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note that frankly served as outline for this people's history. (spotify version)

• It Ain't Necessarily So by Grant Green
  Looks aren't everything
• Be Thankful for What You've Got by William DeVaughn
  Restraint is a virtue
• Everybody Has a Plan Until They Get Punched in the Mouth by Charlie Hunter
  Gravity is hard to defy
• It Could Happen to You by Ahmad Jamal
  Hope springs eternal, beware of the grift
• Betray my Heart by D'Angelo
  The perils of self deception.
• Fool's Paradise by Meli'sa Morgan
  The greater fool theory never sounded so good
• Knucklehead by Grover Washington Jr.
  Take a good look at yourself
• I Choose You by Paris
  A choice freely entered
• Protection by Massive Attack
  Soul insurance is what my broker advises
• Until Such Time by Mark Cherrie
  Caveat emptor

Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)

A covidious folktale

1. Buying Opportunity
2. Tempting the Town Crier
3. The Situation Thereof
4. Fair Warning
5. Caveat Emptor

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 9, 2022

Buyer's Remorse (Part 4 Fair Warning)

Grifters at work... Part 4 of Buyer's Remorse

IV. Fair Warning

Ananse understood it would be a numbers game in the final analysis
So he had an actuary at his side who could handle the moral calculus
Sika would take the strategic lead in their joint venture of deceit
The sting in the tale they planned to spin: never deal with a cheat

But first they had to get the pieces of their long con into place
Preparation was everything and they couldn't afford any mistakes
The many moving parts of the proposed squeeze play were exacting
In a shell game where you live by your wits, timing is everything

The Wan tribe were not going to waver, they just had to be seen to be on board
But having enlisted the town crier, Sika's proposal could hardly be ignored
If he made the right noises at least some of the outlying towns would be seduced
The optics of disarray and discord would cause the desired effect to be produced

The ultimate prize in the long game they were playing was the Ushers
These last would be pitted against the indefatigable claims adjuster
Observing the cracks in the eastern parts they'd foresee opportunities
Welcome new markets for their cultural exports and business communities

The Usher campaign to break into the Wan's
   swiftly developing economies spanned decades
They'd tried all sorts of inducements to no avail,
   even humanitarian feints they called aid

It wasn't as if they were putting new wine into old bottles,
   but such deals were important
In order to close, they were not above rebadging plain diaper wipes
   as thicker and more absorbent

Also the paper trail Sika had laid out was watertight and beyond reproach
As usual the scheme they'd put in place would follow a dual track approach
On the one hand they'd laud the virtues of free enterprise, the market casino
On the other, the underhanded and more efficient resort to the corruption tango

Ananse artfully dropped enough subtle hints of an upside so they could read the signs
The Ushers expected that things would return to their pre-disruption trendlines
'Twas a matter of percentages, they would ready themselves to skim the take
Little did they know that there was a larger game at play, and it was rigged

The law of large numbers, he simply confronted them with a large number of choices
The standard trick to overwhelm buyers, they would fail to listen to any nagging voices
He also made no mention of the usual "all sales are final" clause quite deliberately
His plan if things went south, was to cool them off with a money back guarantee

They hadn't needed the expense and manpower to set up a big store gambit
No pigeon drops, no pig in the poke, no elaborate confidence tricks
Sika and Ananse had simply salted the mine like old time tricksters
A light touch of misdirection in their version of the Spanish Prisoner

...

From afar, the claims adjuster viewed the ongoing machinations with amusement
Surprised, frankly, that humanity would be indifferent to mass extinction events
That, rather than change course and adopt a prudent survival strategy,
They'd decided to risk everything and put their faith in herd immunity

What he beheld was a people unwilling to learn that everything was written in sand
Altogether happy to proceed with their abrogation of the duty of care by the land
Spokesmen enjoining on their community the burden of grief delayed
Who behaved as if everyone ought to move on as if inured to pain

The Ushers' linguist now had a notion that he'd found a gravy train
Seduced by Sika the actuary's promise that they could make it rain
The prospect of unearned income accruing in the suggested quantity
Had completely blinded him to the earlier warning that all is vanity

It was the promise of black gold and cold hard cash, the tactile sensation
Sheer excitement after all these months of lockdown and social isolation
The striking idea that they would be free and clear while making a quick buck
Responsibility demurral was the root cause of their repeated misconduct

The new powerpoint slides and flashy movies made for a pulsating presentation
The chief's scribe and the linguist's guard was drawn down by the implication
The statistics did indeed show the waning effectiveness of the claims adjuster
Combined with the appeal to the history of the great and mighty kingdom of the Ushers

Poised between the new variants and riches,
   the Ushers chose without a trace of misgiving
The best thing from Ananse's viewpoint was that
   they couldn't claim they hadn't seen it coming
For indeed all the griots in the land of concern
   had long been Cassandras calling
When push came to shove,
   they'd couldn't but admit they'd been given fair warning

Fair Warning, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note. A cautionary tale in soulful musical form. (spotify version)

• Should've Known Better by Mica Paris and Omar
• I Done told you Baby by The Soul Majestics
• She Took You For A Ride by Aaron Neville
• It's Too Late by Billy Paul
• Told You So Count Basie
• Warn the Nation by The Eagles

Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)

A covidious folktale

1. Buying Opportunity
2. Tempting the Town Crier
3. The Situation Thereof
4. Fair Warning
5. Caveat Emptor

This folktale is part of a series: In a covidious time.

Next in Part 5: Caveat Emptor

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 6, 2022

Buyer's Remorse (Part 3 The Situation Thereof)

Southern stress tests... Part 3 of Buyer's Remorse

III. The Situation Thereof

Suffice to say that the claims adjuster had been rather impressed
With the way the tribes of Agona had confronted the heart of darkness
Far from succumbing to the new variants introduced by their tormentor
Precious few of their settlements had turned into new epicenters

The lack of casualties had left observers perplexed
For they could no longer invoke their savior complex
The routine lectures and platitudes they picked off the shelf
Would now face the rejoinder: physician, heal thyself

It was one thing to acknowledge their dire state of poverty
But watching the rest of the world succumb to excess mortality
Had left them open to the possibilities of renewed confidence
Especially as they realized the wages of observed competence

True there were those who emphasized the youth of their populace
Discounting the pragmatism with which they had countered the menace
Pointing to their lack of facility with the ins and outs of accounting
Damning them with faint praise, their success was said to be confounding

They'd accepted leftovers from Tedros of Who and kept a low profile
No, he gave them all due credit, they'd paid penance contra denial
But the relative respite begged the question: were their rulers legitimate?
Their sole remaining assets, Asase Yaa's excessive liability certificates

As he unwound the scrolls, he perused the situation reports
Making sure to cross check what he'd found in the courts
Still, the stress test of humanity he'd initiated was dragging on
He wondered if the dwellers of the torrid zone could withstand the situation

But perhaps all the claims adjuster needed to do was to bear witness
The cast of characters in their lands were known for their brazenness
The chief of Rata, glad to be back in power, had promptly reverted to embezzling
Despite all the repeated warnings about the rising threat of inflation

To the bill of goods that was the routine economic mismanagement
One could always find those prone to succumb to martial entanglements
The proud scribes of Piatra agitated for war and bit off more they could chew
Their warriors were roundly defeated in pitched battles and had to be rescued

But most troubling was the situation in Santara which had come to a boil
To prevent a return of hunger season, their Okyeame banned the export of palm oil
His faint hope was that this structural adjustment was worthy of Machiavelli
But with these leading indicators on hand the claims adjuster now had a casus belli

What, after all, was the proposed basis of this new normalcy
To turn back the clock to a time when life was carefree?
Or to build a new way of life cognizant of the new restrictions?
A dilemma that had all the makings of a chicken and egg situation

Would they learn their lessons and heed the mosquito principle
Or give in to insatiable appetites as if they were invincible?
The gods would be watching closely to see if they reached a consensus
For it was an article of faith even to the gods to protect the least of us

There was enough of an opening in these reports of dysfunction
For the claims adjuster to reassert to them that no one was coming
And to those who would suggest that the situation thereof was unfair
He had the ready retort: a barking dog does not lie in the hyena's lair

Situation, a playlist

A soundtrack for all types of situations. The claims adjuster is on the case. (spotify version)

• Situation by Yaz
• Tight Situation by Beres Hammond
• Groovy Situation by Gene Chandler
  Lauded as the coinage of Can you dig it?
• 700 Mile Situation by Res
• Situation by Aurlus Mabele
  The King of Soukous was one of the first to succumb to this covidious plague. He is sorely missed
• Reviewing the Situation by Galliano
• It's a Desperate Situation by Marvin Gaye
• Situation by Leroy Sibbles
• A Funky Situation by Wilson Pickett
• Touch and Go Situation by Beres Hammond
• Groovy Situation by Derrick Harriott
• It's a Funny Situation by Dee Dee Sharp
• Making the Best of a Bad Situation by Millie Jackson
• It's a Desperate Situation by Jimmy Ruffin
• Good Situation by UB40
• Chicken and Egg Situation by Iman
• Situation by Asa
• Funky Situation by The Commodores
• A Bit of an Awkward Situation by Tangerine Dream
• Sexy Situation by Sly & the Family Stone
• Situation #9 by Club Nouveau
• D Fuse the Situation by Pieces of a Dream
• Peculiar Situation by Earl Klugh

Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)

A covidious folktale

1. Buying Opportunity
2. Tempting the Town Crier
3. The Situation Thereof
4. Fair Warning
5. Caveat Emptor

This folktale is part of a series: In a covidious time.

Next in Part 4: Fair Warning

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 5, 2022

Buyer's Remorse (Part 2 Tempting the Town Crier)

A surge in the East... Part 2 of Buyer's Remorse

II. Tempting the Town Crier

This time around, the town crier beat the gong as he prepared to deliver the bad news
Quite simply the folks in Chwedru had reached the limits of zero tolerance
True, they had faithfully paid all premiums due for their soul insurance
But after two years of skimping on preparation, there was no valid excuse

The scribes were no fools, they realized they had to change course
For it would be no use at this stage to invoke the force majeure clause
It really didn't auger well that the gong was being beaten
That was surely an impending sign of a sticky situation

The common folk of the Wan tribe had long accepted the elders' authority
The unwritten contract was that human life, hard as it was, had sanctity
Most importantly, the hunger seasons of yore would never again be observed
If avoiding such troubles was no longer guaranteed, their power could not be preserved

Supply chains be damned, it wasn't even close to a dilemma
Their response was clear and swiftly conveyed to the town crier
They would immediately double down on the restrictions
And strongly recommend to all emotional vaccinations

Word was sent to the herbalists to produce new concoctions
All able bodied Wan should heed the call for battle stations
The standing army, long inactive, would be readied straightaway
And on the farms, reserve crops would be harvested without delay

The town crier, at length, conferred with the chief scribe and the linguists
These last had a weary air to them, you might call them pessimists
They had seen the rest of the world in upheaval, as if in a daze
And were proud they had so far managed to avoid even a second wave

Under the palaver tree, they debated the situation
Needless to say they had to take tough decisions
They tallied the upcoming festivals that would need to be postponed
Lest the entire tribe end up like those in the torrid zone

Once the course of action was decided there could be no second guessing
Their strategic resolve was unshakeable, there was no window dressing
The division of labor would fall into place, the rest was organization
Collective responsibility was the policy, they would brook no deviation

...

It was as he left the Wan settlements that the town crier was accosted
Ananse the Spider had decided that a direct approach was warranted
Without any preliminaries, he simply handed over a large monetary package
And asked straight up if that was sufficient compensation for the proposed damage

The town crier was rather impressed
   by the full frontal assault on his probity
He was sufficiently malleable by temperament
   (having what you might call moral flexibility)
He calmly assessed the assumed wages
   of this proposed integrity abasement

"Throw in a bottle of Schnapps and gourd of palm wine,
   that should be sufficient"

Good help came cheap these days, Ananse had to admit
There was almost no need to negotiate the misdeed
Just a few choice words as he explained the outline of his plan
And before long, he heard those three words: "I'm your man"

A goat doesn't pass a leopard's door, it wasn't mere survival bias
Such unerring instincts had long guided Ananse in his dealings
Limiting one's exposure, what some would term common sense
Surprisingly enough turned out to be uncommon in those lands

It's not so much that he was the greatest of grifters
The truth was that there would always be takers
Humanity was easily dazzled by rhetoric that sparkled
Hastening, as ever, to prove that gullibility was immortal

Temptation, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note. It's hard to resist the musical commentary. (spotify version)

• Man's Temptation by The Impressions
• Tempted to Touch by Beres Hammond
• Temptation by Yemi Alade
• Temptation by Prince
• Man's Temptation by Gene Chandler
• Temptation by Charlie Parker

Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)

A covidious folktale

1. Buying Opportunity
2. Tempting the Town Crier
3. The Situation Thereof
4. Fair Warning
5. Caveat Emptor

This folktale is part of a series: In a covidious time.

Next in Part 3: The Situation Thereof

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 3, 2022

Buyer's Remorse (Part 1 Buying Opportunity)

He who tests the depth of a stream with both feet must be prepared to swim.

— Ewe proverb

I. Buying Opportunity

The Usher tribe were enamored of commerce, it was all about the money
They flexed their pro-market inclinations rather vigorously
Always to be found looking for the next selling opportunity
They put a price on every aspect of life, it all came naturally

Their singular commercial virtue was a seamless ease with amnesia
Cultural memory was lacking with this lot, in its place lived nostalgia
They'd end up selling end-user certificates to the highest bidder
Even to those whose atrocities they'd conveniently fail to remember

Their praetorian guard maintained that the Ushers only had interests
Friendship for them was transactional per their princes of darkness
Onerous rules and regulations could be ignored when necessary
For when push came to shove, with them it was always monetary

The lesson the rest of the world had learned through hard experience
Was to take their every grand pronouncement with a grain of salt
Lest one be caught wrong-footed and stuck, unrequited, waiting for assistance
Their sweet promises of support were consequently discounted as a result

Still, they believed their own rhetoric, that the customer was always right
High on their own supply when they were dominant, when might made right
For the longest time they were producers, and maintained this direction
But the world had changed following their consultants' mercenary suggestions

It's not that there was a level playing field these days
For the gods have always played favorites come what may
But the advantages they'd long had, their openness and dynamism
Had been trumped with the whole world now engulfed in paroxysm

They'd suffered the highest death toll in the global crisis
Despite being equipped with the greatest advantages
For want of a bolt, they'd forsaken their soul insurance
With a dizzying display of hubris and rank incompetence

Even so, they expected that they could rebrand post-haste and wow
After all, an elephant which is lean is still fatter than a cow
It was just a matter of marketing after the global pause
They'd jump right back to business and merely await the applause

The chief's scribe and the linguist made to ready their next campaign
With the Okyeame onboard the only issue was which slogan to reframe
The new formula, new and improved, there was really no need for subtle hints
The power of wishful thinking meant people would ignore weasel words in the fine print

...

Fifi had built a little emporium with the fruits of his previous compromises
Albeit, in less polite society, those payments might well have been called bribes
His was a going concern even under these trying circumstances
Of isolation protocols, hygiene theater, and social avoidance

He'd heard about the surge in the east and now expected another wave
But the elders had moved on, barely acknowledging the previous close shaves
He could see from the glint in their eyes that a deal was in the making
It was just a matter of patience, opportunity would surely come knocking

He wondered who would accompany that rascal Ananse the Spider
He had struck Fifi as someone who always needed an insider
The disguise of guilelessness that would send you on a fool's errand
His modus operandi in his nefarious dealings was rather transparent

He could envisage the broad outline of the strategy of the trickster
Most likely, a squeeze play pitting the elders against the claims adjuster
And while he waited for the renewed approach of the erstwhile tempter
He recalled those ancient words of wisdom: caveat emptor

Buying Opportunity, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note. There's a price to be paid. (spotify version)

• Ain't There Something Money Can't Buy by Young-Holt Unlimited
• Can't Buy Love by Johnny Osborne
• Can't Buy Me Love by The Beatles
• Can't Buy Me by Femi Kuti
• Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) by Pet Shop Boys
  The boys were appropriately cynical as befits antidotes to the Thatcher-Reagan consensus. In a different genre it would be the musical equivalent of Martin Amis's Money.
• Can't Buy Soul by Hebrew Rogers
• Money Can't Buy It by Annie Lennox
• Who Will Buy? by Jon Lucien
• Buyer's Blues by Billy Byers & Martial Solal
• I'll Buy You A Star by Kenny Burrell
• I'll Buy You A Star by Betty Carter

Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)

A covidious folktale

1. Buying Opportunity
2. Tempting the Town Crier
3. The Situation Thereof
4. Fair Warning
5. Caveat Emptor

See previously: Soul Insurance

This folktale is part of a series: In a covidious time.

Next in Part 2: Tempting the Town Crier

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 2, 2022

Such Is My Asylum (Soul Insurance)

I turned to the economics of whimsy in humanity's curriculum
To summon the poetry of cultural memory, for such is my asylum

To wit: belly laughs are most exhilarating when it is darkest
Bound, as I was, by a mandate to bear witness

Contra despair, the searcher readies a comfort suite
Charting a new narrative, protection by way of a stare

Soul insurance then as a safe harbor
A balm for the spirit's rhythm of loss

See previously: Such is my Asylum

Such is my Asylum, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note. Angie Stone adds soul insurance to the poetry playlist.

• Soul Insurance by Angie Stone
• Poetry Man by Phoebe Snow
  Her delicate voice is everything
• Poetry by Roy Hargrove (featuring Q-Tip and Erykah Badu)
  The late Roy Hargrove is sorely missed.
• This is My Story, This is My Song by Thelonious Monk

...

The book is done.

This note concludes concludes another collection of toli, my third collection of poems, written in a fever in five weeks in spring 2021. Hopefully it will escape hypertext into physical form sometime soon... It all started with a covidious folktale; I call it Soul Insurance.

...

This note is part of a series: In a covidious time.

File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ghana, Africa, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log. May 1, 2021