Temporary Conveniences

Beholden to temporary conveniences
Like Darwin's notion of species
The seductive appeal of idées fixes
Coinages that supplant varieties

But labels, with their simplifying shorthand
Are but an instrument in the hands of a searcher
The tool should not be mistaken for reality
It is a confusion to fall prey to appearances

...

It may suit you to doubt my intentions
Out of concern for a supposed naivety
Discarding words and ascribing fictions
Still, the state of the world is not what you think

Admittedly, base motives drive the human animal
Urges that render us no different from beasts
Disguises abound, badges of the sensualists
But the plain truth is my love is forever

Temporary Conveniences, a playlist

Dwele lays down the soundtrack to this note. His live performances were the highlight of my years in the Bay Area, he always seemed to have something to prove in Oakland. Wit in the vein of funk. The poet laureate of modern soul. (spotify version)

• Truth
• Open Your Eyes
• I Understand
• Find a Way
• Going Leaving
• What's Not to Love
• What Profit
• I Think I Love You
• Vain
• Travelin' Girl

File under: life, love, culture, observation, perception, relationships, obsession, poetry, toli

Writing log: January 21, 2023

Withholding

Withholding a smile in public
Poker face, your solemn eyes
Betraying nothing
For no one needs to know
The things we do
Together
To each other
For each other
There's no shame in those brief encounters
All too brief
The hum we make
Sighs
Taking comfort from the sweet ache
When you acknowledge me
Moments alone
When you teach me
Restraint amidst private joy
So I hold on to that feeling
So, yes, I make no demands in this affair of ours
Your secret is safe in these hands
Withhold away, the very essence
For that's alright with me

Withholding, a playlist

A soundtrack for this affair (spotify version)

• Everything I Miss at Home by Cherrelle
• Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr
• Alright by D'Angelo
• Lucky by Cherrelle
• Private Joy by Prince
• Crazy (For Loving You) by Cherrelle
  I've long thought that Cherrelle's affair best caught the magic of Jam and Lewis.

File under: love, secrecy, observation, perception, obsession, control, relationships, poetry, toli

Writing log: January 17, 2023

A Last Request

If this interlude should come to an end
Let there not be any regret
If this moment passes and we should lose each other
Know that conversations like ours never end

We gave it our all
This much we know
For, even in the depths,
Together we bore witness

So tell, tell our story
That we should leave our mark
Inscribed in relief on this fleeting canvas

Tell, tell our story
The struggles to be considered
And joys to be relived

Tell, tell our story
Fixing a time and a place
And people too
The fragments to be discovered
For this is our story

Spoken like the griots of old
Written like those scribes
Drawn with delicacy
Or sung with abandon
Tell, tell our story
That we should not lose these memories

A last request:
With one breath, in one motion
Tell, tell our story

A Last Request, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note.

A lush playlist that I've long luxuriated in, ballads of wist and yearning, nothing is left behind (spotify version)

• Last Request by Omar
• Kissing a Fool by George Michael
• Kick out of You by Dwele
• One Last Cry by Brian McKnight
• I Should Have Loved You by Chuckii Booker
• A Last Request by George Michael
• Whenever Wherever Whatever by Maxwell
• Keep Your Head to the Sky by Earth, Wind & Fire
• Simply Beautiful by Al Green
• Do You Feel by Jose James
• Please Stay (Once You Go Away) by Marvin Gaye
• Careless Whisper by George Michael
• Spend a Lifetime by Jamiroquai
• Come to my Door by Jose James
• Another Life by D'Angelo
• When the Party's Over by Alexander O'Neal
• Gills and Tails by Amel Larrieux
• In the Morning by Omar
• Vain by Dwele

See previously The Tale of the Lost Stories and The Fleeting Canvas

File under: sensory, culture, observation, perception, emotion, lyricism, life, love, wist, memory, poetry, toli

Writing log: September 22, 2022

His and Hers

Funny how we slipped into those roles
The division of labor, his and hers
The separate spices, the separate shelves
But it was an organic process, there was no deliberation
No dilemmas really, we even finessed the dishwasher situation

As we stand, armed with toothbrushes, looking into the mirror
The back and forth of our morning rituals
The silver hairs that are now starting to adorn our heads
Wondering how we'd be viewed by our younger selves
We gather ourselves and pause briefly
Before we confront the day's agenda
Splash. How did we get here?
Children, mortgages, jobs, responsibility

Rinse with cold water, replace the dental weapons
A hug, a head nod, a kiss, a taste of peppermint
Those things to remember: the doctor's appointment
Missing a screw, the electrical outlet
The light bulb that needs to be replaced (buy L.E.D)
The part of the back fence that's now falling over
Pick up logistics for the kids, the parent teacher conference
Bureaucracy at work, the annual certification, compliance
Calls to make, and even holiday plans

Intertwined, entangled
Concentric, commingled
A small moment: we reach out simultaneously
Touch
A touch to give comfort
A touch again, tender
Care, reassurance
Forever

Side by side, we smile and stand together
And remember that we chose each other
His and hers, we turn away from the mirror and look
And remember why we chose each other

His and Hers, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note, a few ballads of affirmation (spotify version)

• I Know It's You by Donny Hathaway
• By Your Side by Sade
• I'm Glad You're Mine by Al Green
• With You by Prince

Bonus beats: The Lovers by Alexander O'Neal and The Spark by The Roots

File under: life, love, culture, observation, perception, relationships, social, poetry, toli

Writing log: September 18, 2022

Love, a playlist

Love. The eternal subject. What is this thing called love, I wondered? Once upon a time I scoured my music library for the folk wisdom about love, filling my old ipod mini with 1,000 or so songs about love and its many textures.

Herewith then: Love, a playlist (spotify version)

I tried to stick to love qua love and focused on the word itself and its ramifications, thus there are only 5 songs about 'lovers' and 4 songs about 'loved' e.g. Bob Marley's Could You Be Loved? and The Impressions' I Loved and I Lost

Similarly, there were 12 songs about loving (You've Lost That Loving Feeling obviously needed to be on this playlist and clearly Minnie Riperton's Lovin' you was essential). A boyish Michael Jackson asking Who's loving you could not be denied.

With some effort, I ended up with 1,032 takes on love (caveat: A Love Supreme came in 4 parts). The playlist amounts to almost 3 days of continuous listening and flows quite beautifully if I might say so.

I tried not to repeat myself in this exercise so there are 866 distinct titles. The constraint of disk space on the fondleslab meant that I couldn't add the hundreds of cover versions of standards like Love for Sale that I have amassed (and only 7 versions of You Don't Know What Love Is made it sadly)

The selections focus mostly on soul, jazz and pop. Hip-hop hardly features (love doesn't sell in hip-hop on the whole, LL Cool J's I Need Love notwithstanding), and reggae features disproportionately (lovers rock being an important facet of that genre, just ask Dennis Brown)

Having amassed this body of love as it were, this corpus of love, that many splendored thing (3 versions), I couldn't help myself and did some rudimentary analysis. Consider these liner notes research on the anatomy of love. Let me tell you about love...

Frequency

The usual suspects who made a career on love shine here: Sade, Anita Baker, Luther Vandross and The Temptations. And Motown looms large, the composers Smokey Robinson and Ashford & Simpson dominate. Also, I was initially suprised that Al Jarreau and Regina Belle had such encylopedic takes on love.

The singularity that is Barry White is mainly dealt with in a separate playlist. I only included 7 of the 54 songs I have of his that directly addressed love. A monomaniac focus on the topic was a virtue of the walrus of love.

As far as the frequency distribution goes, who opines on love? Who shapes the narrative?

• Luther Vandross - 18 songs
• Prince - 17 songs (or 14 if we omit his duets with Sheila E, Madonna and Nona Gaye)
• Al Jarreau - 13 songs
• Temptations / Chaka Khan / Dennis Brown - 12 songs
• Smokey Robinson / Regina Belle - 11 songs
• Ashford & Simpson / Stevie Wonder / Elton John - 9 songs
• Anita Baker / Sade / Gregory Isaacs / Dwele - 8 songs
• Al Green / Barry White / Alexander O'Neal / Brian McKnight / Keith Sweat / George Benson - 7 songs
• Brenda Russell / The Isley Brothers - 6 songs apiece

Typology

Then to the meat of things. There were 66 songs "of love"

What do these songs of love tell us (skipping for now the 20 explicit by less precise "kinds of" love? e.g. The Sunday kind of love that Etta James sings of

The basics: Look of love, Power of love, Way of love, Mystery of love, Glory of love, Gravity of love, Ritual of love, Game of love

Metaphorical: Freeway of love, Caravan of love, Army of love, Sea of love, Land of love, Bed of love, Prisoner of love

Practical: Mind of love, Test of love, Best of love

Whimsical: Ingredients of love, Seeds of love, Color of love

Emotional: Tears of love, Victim of love, Pains of love

Association

"Love and" - what goes with love? Consider fully 24 companions of love. Al Green obviously has the anthems (Love and happiness, Love and affection). The Persuaders famously sang of the Thin line between love and hate complicating the picture. Love sometimes goes with war (Tamar Braxton) and at other times with peace (per Quincy Jones)

There are also the outliers, including my countryman Ebo Taylor who asks the listener to lend him their ears as he weaves a troubling tale about Love and death

Characterization

We may be social beasts but love is a matter of perspective and indeed love is personal:

Sweet love, Good love, Slow love, Tender love, Baby love, Real love, Endless love, Lost love, Everlasting love, Tasty love, Emotional love, Self love, Blessed love, Precious love, Lifetime love

There's a naivete in love:

Simple love, Special love, Perfect love, Pure love, 100% Pure love, Superfine love, Fine Fine love, True love, Easy love, Sentimental love

Or think of the stages of love: New love, Old love, Young love, Teenage love, Puppy love, Old fashioned love, First love

Pathologies of love: Secret love, Blind love, Hidden love, Unrequited love, One way love, Unreleased love, Stupid love, Strange love, Crazy love, I'd hate to love you

Arcane takes: Cosmic love, Stone Love, Hysteric Love, Carnival Love, Electric Love, Killer Love, Tough love, Bitter love, Superficial love, Famous love, Lucky love, Shotgun love, Telephone love

Time-bound love: Saturday Love, Weekend Love, Love in the night, or as Roberta Flack notes, Tonight I celebrate my love

Religious love: Jesus is love, God is love (a couple of versions). Opinions are divided on whether the Higher love that Steve Winwood sings off falls in this category.

Parental love: The love between me and my kids per Smokey Robinson. The Supremes' Baby love is euphemistic despite the name on the front

It's about mores and values, some takes are quite spicy: Free love, Sexual Love, Love Triangle, Part time love, Love Affair

But love is complicated: Love can't turn around per Farley Jackmaster Funk and its celebrated Isaac Hayes sample, indeed we can get into semiotics: Love is not made in words (Deborah Cox) and Love is not a word (Peter Cinotti)

Love can also be prescriptive: Love shoulda brought you home per Toni Braxton or say, It's gonna take all our love as Regina Belle asserts

And then the defaults: One love, Any love, Typical love, More love, Only love and a couple of versions of Love changes (Mother's Finest and the lovely cover by Kashif and Meli'sa Morgan)

At a loss, 12 artists just go with the single word: Love, and who can blame them.

• Big City double things up with Love Love
• The incomparable Donny Hathaway is three times exuberant with Love, Love, Love
• Lulu claims with the Rule of Four that Love Loves To Love Love
• As Tall as Lions go over the top with Love, Love, Love (Love, Love)

Perspectives

More analysis, who is the subject of love?

40 songs about "your love"
39 songs "love you"
5 songs "love your"

27 songs "my love"
26 songs "love me"

9 songs "our love"

And on declarative matters:

12 songs "for love", causes of love perhaps

4 songs "love or" alternatives to live (Prince's Love or Money being the funkiest)

33 songs "the love"
24 songs "this love"

Declarations

Then there are the descriptions. There are fully 93 songs explaining what "love is" including a few eye openers:

• Love is a house
• Love is a battlefield
• Love is my religion
• Love is contagious
• Love is like a plague
• Love is medicine
• Love is my drug

Following that social disease theme, it's no wonder that Robert Plant is Addicted to love

True, there are contradictions: Love is the answer for Kenny Burrell but for Linval Thompson, Love is the question

Sade, almost inevitably, chimes in with hard-won experience, namely that Love is stronger than pride while Roy Ayers claims that Love will bring us back together.

Similarly, Loose Ends declare I don't need to love, but for LL Cool J, it's the opposite: I need love; your mileage may vary

Location

There are 9 songs about finding love, its difficulty and its locations (e.g. Love on a two way street by The Moments), The places you find love by Tevin Campbell and Beres Hammond crooning about Love from a distance

Where Roberta Flack is somewhat coy Feel Like Makin' Love; Johnny Gill explicitly suggests making Love in an Elevator. No wonder some say they don't make love songs like they used to?

Obligatory disclaimer, any playlist I make has to flow and move me, hence I included a few songs that you might say are love adjacent per my criteria. Sue me

• Right and a Wrong Way by Keith Sweat - this falls under prescription. The lyric goes "There's a right and a wrong way to love somebody"
• The Lovers and Sentimental from Alexander O'Neal (Jam and Lewis's best interpreter oozes love without trying)
• Between the sheets by the Isley Brothers mostly for the part that goes "Enough of this singing, let's make love"
• Je t'aime, moi non plus Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin after realizing that this was an overly anglophone take on the matter
• Part time lover by Stevie Wonder simply for Luther Vandross's adlibs on the chorus
• Loving you by Tony Toni Tone which, as I've noted previously, puts the contraception in baby making music
• As well as a couple from Prince: Joy in Repetition for the telling phrase (Love me) that prompted the song's title and Adore which is the ultimate love song ("love is too weak to define what you mean to me")

I'll end with sentimental favorites: The Beatles optimistically chiming in with All You Need Is Love while Brenda Russell sings of A Little Bit Of Love and, for good measure, Teddy Pendergrass is struck by Love T.K.O.

There's a spreadsheet, if you want to wrangle the data for yourself.

But mostly there's the playlist, do give it a listen.

I'm no expert but hey, I wrangled with the textures of love. Be prepared, they said, so I gave you Love, a thousand so ways. I tried to do my part, let me know what you think.

Love, a playlist (spotify version)

Disclaimer: About 80 songs didn't make it in the journey from YouTube to Spotify

The Adinkra symbol, odo nyera fie kwan, or "Love always finds its way home".

See previously: 66 Ways to Franco

File under: music, obsession, love, whimsy, culture, observation, perception, humour, language, analysis, statistics, Observers are worried, toli

Writing log. May 6, 2024

New Love

The breathlessness of new love
The quality of those early days
When, tentatively, you discover each other
The first time for everything
Butterflies, the newness of it all
The moment after the first touch
Embracing the rapture of infatuation
The first look, the first acquiescence
Reciprocating and mirroring, seeing anew
The light of a lover refracted in your eye
This is us. Together. This is our time.

New Love, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• New Love by Cherrelle
• Looking for a New Love by Jody Watley
• Love Struck by Jesse Johnson
• He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat) by Jill Scott
• Butterflies by Michael Jackson
• Newness by Musiq
• The Newness by Eric Roberson

File under: emotion, life, culture, observation, perception, love, poetry, toli

Writing log: July 3, 2022

Rub-A-Dub Style

I'll confess that my intentions in your regard are not what you'd call honorable
That the ache that I feel points to a rather earthy origin
Pores, skin, flesh and ultimately sweat are what I envision
In the moment, you can bring the laughter, I'll make sure to bring the heat
We can go Dutch, rub-a-dub style, you do know what that means

The highlights, we'll never forget,
And even a mundane touch will be remarkable
Stay with me, whatever fits the bill,
I'll lay all my cards on the table
These words may be intense but are a mere testament to my ambitions
It's about the great longing, rub-a-dub style, you know what I mean

Nights exchanging whispers and then screams of passion
Surprising ourselves and watching each other's reactions
But, first things first, can I hold your hand?
Let me not get ahead of myself, may I have this dance?
Let's make memories rub-a-dub style, know what I mean?

Rub-A-Dub Style, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note, I favor a direct approach in accordance with the style. 25 odd spins on the rub-a-dub notion starting of course with Johnny Osbourne's One More Rub-A-Dub and the great Dennis Brown's Rub-A-Dub all the time. (spotify version)

File under: love, humour, language, seduction, attention, hubris, flirtation, toasting, culture, observation, perception, male gaze, toli, poetry

Writing log. June 7, 2022

Forever

The child understands that your love is forever
As permanent, that is, as the smile that overcame you
As the tongue you snuck out as you played peekaboo
The child sees clearly, trusting in this truth
And worries not
Forever is your burden to share
No, the child does not worry
The duty of worrying is yours alone

And so child, I worry about what you might learn about forever
That the things that God creates only approach forever
That the pleasures of the senses are best appreciated in proportion to their rarity
That even hugs and kisses have their limits
That your very presence is not guaranteed
That your very smile, mischievous at that, might be fleeting
That your roving mind, lively and inquisitive, might enter autumn
That those unending questions could one day be silenced
That, in this land - prone, you could be brought low for a nothing
That there is a difference between forever and eternity
That here on earth, we can only promise forever
That indeed, we are only promised forever

But my child, even if eternity is foreclosed to us by fickle gods
Know that my love is forever
Know this, my child, forever
Forever and a day

Forever, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note, one of my favorite playlists, quietly devastating soul (spotify version)

• 4ever by Entouch
• Forever by Jonathan Butler
• Forever in my Life by Prince
• Make it Last Forever by Keith Sweat
• Always and Forever by Heatwave
• All I Want is Forever by Regina Belle
• Forever my Lady by Jodeci
• Forever, for always, for love by Lalah Hathaway
• Forever, for always, for love by Luther Vandross
• This love is forever by Howard Hewett

File under: life, love, culture, parenting, life, observation, poetry, toli

Writing log. June 6, 2022

The Fleeting Canvas

While some record the imprint of history
Gathering impressions in weekly tallies
Others move forward without regret
The swinging doors closing behind them

Waiting chambers of yore become empty nests
Lines drawn with one stroke, resolute, with no makeovers
Passing murmurs, and no time for contemplation
The flowing streams wash over rough stones

Passengers in a season of migration
Pursuing the elusive gifts of time
Glimmers, flashes of the treasures of fate
Prospecting for liberation in the river bed

A glimpse of self with its fractured reflection
Instant love, living in the moment
A prelude to adoration and devotion
Swaying, rustling curves in motion

Recapturing sensations that once left you breathless
Luxuriating in the waning passions of seasoned flesh
To slow down, abide, and truly savor change
And in the aftermath, pause fitfully for reflection

Did you ever feel butterflies in your heart?
The lightness of the sensation, susurration
A whisper is ephemeral but love is lasting
And bold. To know its pathways. Recognition

Tracing patterns of exchange in coarse sand
The transient glow of bite-sized triumphs
Putting aside the slights and misunderstandings
A wave washes over the pebble beach

From silvery gray to deep black, gradations
Control measures, to master the brush stroke
Love again, weighed against disposable feelings
Love. The texture of a life, the fleeting canvas

Liquid Soul, a playlist

A soundtrack for this grace note. Three hours of langourous, elliptical soul. Dissolve in the grooves, let them wash over you. (spotify version)

This note is part of a series: In a covidious time.

File under: sensory, culture, observation, perception, Buyer's Remorse, emotion, lyricism, life, love, covidious, poetry, toli

Writing log: April 9, 2022

A Delicate Matter

Handle with care, a heart's fragility should not be tested
Consider letting hopes dissolve rather than shatter
Softly, softly, as you deflect ambitions
Gently disappoint as you deny dreams
Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear

Feign concern even when dispensing home truths
For even the most worldly can be reduced by sentiment
Tenderness when ascending the heights of tough love
Have mercy. Even seasoned performers must remove their masks
Caution, my friend, take heed, for this is a delicate matter

Delicate Matter, a playlist

Some delicacies for your aural pleasure, a soundtrack for this note. (spotify version)

• Chan's Song by Jacky Terrason & Cassandra Wilson
• Tenderly by Jose James and Jef Neve
• Wild is the Wind by Amel Larrieux
• My Ship by Jacky Terrason & Cassandra Wilson
• For All We Know by Jose James and Jef Neve
• Try your Wings by Amel Larrieux
• Tea for Two by Jacky Terrason & Cassandra Wilson
• Embraceable You by Jose James and Jef Neve
• Don't Let me Down by Amel Larrieux

File under: life, love, culture, observation, perception, relationships, social, regret, Buyer's Remorse, poetry, toli

Writing log. April 27, 2022

Shards of Solace

Shards of solace
The aftermath of heartbreak
Putting it back together

The comfort of a touch
Lingering on what had been
The afterglow of the memories

A spell was broken
So many lessons were learned
And in their wake, regret

Welcome to changes
Gather yourself, my friend, caution now
Pride and vanity have no place here

It's long past tallying
the missed opportunities
There'll be time enough to pick up the pieces

Shards of Solace, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• Lessons by Eric Roberson
  To be a soul man in this era is almost anachronistic, the temptations, and distractions, are many so it's always refreshing to have a musician commit to the form. All this to say that Eric Roberson's Lessons album is the what I need this year.
• I Loved And I Lost by The Impressions
• Why Have I Lost You by Cameo
• How Can You Mend A Broken Heart by Al Green
• Lessons by Eric Roberson (ft. Anthony Hamilton, Raheem DeVaughn & Kevin Ross)

File under: culture, loss, love, observation, perception, life, poetry, toli

Writing log. April 21, 2022

I Daresay

I daresay I love this phrase
I daresay I love your face

I daresay we just met, but I'm canceling all my meetings, I'm delirious
I daresay not just meetings, but all prior engagements, I'm that serious

I daresay I feel myself drawn to you
I daresay I could build a whole life with you

I daresay I hope I'm not overstepping the bounds
I daresay I think you're bound, in short order, to come around

I daresay, stop it, you're making me blush
I daresay this has all the makings of a schoolboy crush

I daresay I'm enjoying this conversation
I daresay I've fallen for your brand of seduction

I daresay you disarm me, I like your smile
I daresay, for you, I would run for more than a few miles

I daresay you move me to excess
I daresay I'd expect nothing less

I daresay you're beautiful and carry yourself with grace
I daresay your voice beholds a wondrous sense of time and space

I daresay I'm losing myself in the contours of your brain
I daresay to lose this heaven would be no end of pain

I daresay I feel like I'm making progress
I daresay I'm momentarily speechless

I daresay this is some kind of flirtation
I daresay I see you moving in my direction

I daresay I think we should dance
I daresay I deserve one more chance

I daresay this is the start of a romance
I daresay I'll pay for soul insurance

I daresay you're making me bring out raps from the old village
I daresay words cannot describe you on this blank page

I daresay love is for suckers like me and you, to quote the soul song
I daresay I've found my comfort suite, a taste of paradise, right in your arms

I daresay meeting you has been the best thing in my life, I can't quite believe my luck
I daresay I made you giggle. Am I going overboard? I'm hopeless. Hyperbole much?

I daresay we're a match made in heaven
I daresay I like where this is heading

I daresay we fit like a glove
I daresay I think I'm in love

Flirt, a playlist

An effusive soundtrack for this flirtation. (spotify version)

• Flirt by Cameo
• Come Close by Common & Mary J. Blige
• Like To Get To Know You Well by Howard Jones
• Wanna Get With You by Guy
• Hot Thing by Prince
• Anything (To Get Your Attention) by Van Hunt
• Love Conversation by José James
• I Think I Love You by Dwele
• Playa Playa by D'Angelo
• Love Is For Suckers (Like Me And You) by Full Force
• I'm in Love by Omar
• N.e.thing2getura10chin by Van Hunt

See previously: Touch, Teenage Love and Janet and the Importance of Bubblegum

I daresay the above could work as some kind of Valentine, Dear Reader
I daresay some of these lines might make her fall hook, line and sinker

File under: love, whimsy, humour, language, sensory, seduction, attention, hubris, flirtation, culture, observation, perception, huhudious, poetry, male gaze, toasting, appreciation, Comfort Suite, toli

Writing log: May 8, 2021