Up for None

Up for none and down for nothing
The fever that had gripped us dissipated
Leaving so suddenly that the previous scripts were still in place
Bewildering to perform the rote actions, even more pointless now in the light of day

Clear eyed though, we told ourselves fictions
That the fog had lifted for good
The new certainty, the new normalcy, we averred
That we would only deal with the lingering mist going forward
That the righteous hubris that just yesterday opened wounds could be foregone
Up for none, we played our role

Still, best to forget the previous direction, the wounds inflicted
Purification ceremonies have their chaperones, midwives to earlier indecencies
For shame's inconvenience is soothed by the passing of time
From fictions spring received notions
The balm of stories we tell ourselves to relieve the burden of ignorance

Rewriting the script with the assured rhetoric of the misled
Gaps, ellipses, things that are suddenly unmentioned
Unmentionable in the polite society of striving simians
Smothered by all too conventional wisdom, these truths
Up for none, then, and down for nothing

Up for none, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• Keep on Movin' by Soul II Soul
• Don't Look Back by The Tempations
• Up for the Down Stroke by Parliament
• How Soon We Forget by Colonel Abrams
• Back to Life by Soul II Soul
• Up and Down by Ray Prim
• Forget Me Nots by Patrice Rushen
• Don't Look Back by Bobby Womack
• But Not For Me by Ahmad Jamal
• Up and Down by Horace Parlan
• Don't Look Back by Ramsey Lewis

This note is part of a series: In a covidious time.

File under: culture, observation, perception, regret, Buyer's Remorse, poetry, toli

Writing log: May 16, 2023

A Delicate Matter

Handle with care, a heart's fragility should not be tested
Consider letting hopes dissolve rather than shatter
Softly, softly, as you deflect ambitions
Gently disappoint as you deny dreams
Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear

Feign concern even when dispensing home truths
For even the most worldly can be reduced by sentiment
Tenderness when ascending the heights of tough love
Have mercy. Even seasoned performers must remove their masks
Caution, my friend, take heed, for this is a delicate matter

Delicate Matter, a playlist

Some delicacies for your aural pleasure, a soundtrack for this note. (spotify version)

• Chan's Song by Jacky Terrason & Cassandra Wilson
• Tenderly by Jose James and Jef Neve
• Wild is the Wind by Amel Larrieux
• My Ship by Jacky Terrason & Cassandra Wilson
• For All We Know by Jose James and Jef Neve
• Try your Wings by Amel Larrieux
• Tea for Two by Jacky Terrason & Cassandra Wilson
• Embraceable You by Jose James and Jef Neve
• Don't Let me Down by Amel Larrieux

File under: life, love, culture, observation, perception, relationships, social, regret, Buyer's Remorse, poetry, toli

Writing log. April 27, 2022

Regret Is All

Regret is all, it's only human
An emotion with an intimate audience
The tinge of shame and imperfection
And the taint, for we were never innocent

For some can never descend the mountain of regret
They can't let go of the history or even decide to forget
Forever revisiting the past, vivid scenarios replayed
It's hard to live in the bed of remorse that they've made

Questioning whether the requisite words could have been found
Or whether alternative actions could have been summoned
Standing on the verge, poised between restraint and impulse
Rueing whether different actors might have changed the outcome

Communal regret is often the essence of cultural memory
To find oneself laying down markers of collective identity
Intimations of free will weighed against chaos theory
The direction of the arc of time and missed opportunities

Regret is all, it's a deficiency disease
Testimony to the fallibility of memories
Or sometimes to a surfeit of imagination
The raw materials of life, regret is an imposition

Regret, a playlist

A soundtrack for this note (spotify version)

• Forever Regret by The RH Factor
• I Missed by Surface
• Congratulations by Vesta Williams
• We almost lost Detroit by Gil Scott-Heron
• Non je ne regrette rien by Edith Piaf

Vaguely related: Decision to Forget. The theme is buyer's remorse.

File under: regret, culture, observation, perception, wist, decisions, Buyer's Remorse, poetry, toli

Writing log: March 31, 2022

Visions

Retinal hemorrhage, that was the diagnosis
If you ask me, I was on my way to psychosis
I just wanted to scratch my eye out to remove this damn floater
And to be rid of the piercing pain, it was akin to an electric motor
Spinning out of control, and tearing right through that eye socket
Without regard for all those plans and things I had on my docket
It was all I could do to not scream, "This is killing me, cease and desist"
I'm quite used to ellipses but this blind spot was rather an eclipse

The soul was duly darkened even as my vision was threatened
The pain was altogether unbearable and no relief beckoned
I must say, I couldn't suffer fools during that interlude, I was rather uptight
It's quite hard to keep it light when you literally can no longer see the light
I was curt and incredibly frank
   during those six months of blinding regress
When the obviously-misnamed, eye-opening affliction
   was my daily business
But there was no comfort to be had, I'd been told, just apply eye drops
Take frequent breaks, rest, the body will heal and, in time, it will stop

"You have an incredible tolerance for pain,
   why didn't you call me earlier?"
Now you tell me, I mentioned that I was in pain,
   and you ignored me, Doctor
I've been religiously applying those drops
   that you said I could buy over the counter
Do you really mean to tell me now
   that I might have gotten some relief much earlier?
"Well yes, there are any number of interventions
   that I could have prescribed.
Well, all is good now, you've made a lot of progress, that can't be denied.
We'll just take a look at things, keep using those eye drops on demand."
He quickly bade me goodbye, and I left his retinal consultancy stunned

Dear friends and family, it is a matter of some regret
That I belatedly explain why my conduct was so circumspect
True, during that time I was in considerable pain and rather upset
And, as I've explained, an unwitting victim of a doctor's neglect
It's cold comfort, however, and understanding will never quite offset
The feelings hurt and perhaps the frayed tempers
   that came with the mindset
But look, it was the loss of my sight, after all, what do you expect?

Visions, a playlist

By definition a Visions playlist should simply be Stevie Wonder's incomparable album, Innervisions, first on my desert island list. However I'm trying to broaden my perspective so I offer this musical look at things (spotify version)

• Visions by Stevie Wonder
• Look What we'd Have by Tevin Campbell
• Vision of Love by Mariah Carey
• Don't Look Any Further by Dennis Edwards and Seidah Garrett
• Vision by Hucci
• Night Vision by Pieces of a Dream
• Looking for your Love by Adrianna Evans
• Astral Vision by Paul Hardcastle
• Fix Up Look Sharp by Dizzee Rascal
• My Vision by Agora Rhythm
• Brighten My Vision by Burning Spear
• My Vision by Seal
• Jade Visions by Bill Evans
• Visions by Prince

See previous sensory processes

• Touch
• Taste

...

Timing is everything
Observers are worried

File under: vision, blindness, pain, medicine, health, eye, sight, humour, sensory, culture, observation, perception, malpractice, Buyer's Remorse, regret, Observers are worried, poetry, toli

Writing log: April 14, 2021

Could have been / Should have been

We've been at the part of the World Cup, ever since the group stage ended, where many of the spectators have been muttering the "could have been / should have been" mantra. Fans don't need prompting from sensationalist reporting about implosions, denigration of the coach's strategy, team cohesiveness, slips of concentration or the vagaries of the drama of the game. Us football fans simply know. We could see for ourselves and feel it in our bones. We know what could have been, we know what should have been.

Every team had its chances - unlike in other world cups, this has been a wide open competition. Read the reports in zonal marking and you won't see much onesidedness. Even where there were clear gaps in class vis-a-vis their opponents (say Honduras or Australia), the teams in question had opportunities. The Socceroos were thrilling and gave palpitations because of their athleticism and Cahill's finishing ability. Those who pooh-poohed the Iranians' defensive-mindedness will admit that when they finally broke out they were potent. The Ivoriens will wonder how they let the Greeks back in with minutes to go. The Mexicans, Chileans and the Colombians will know that they will never have collapsed like the Brazilian hosts did today... It could have been, it should have been.

Closer to home, Ghanaians are ruing the missed opportunities and thinking about how they were the only team to really frighten the Germans. Even more-so than in 2010, when we could taste the semi-finals and beyond, Ghanaians were expecting to return with silverware - Group of Death be damned. Those seven minutes when Ghana had Germany on the run and could even had piled on and added a couple of goals to their lead will be an enduring memory. It could have been, it should have been.

I still feel that Sulley Muntari getting his second yellow card during that game hence missing the crucial midfield battle against the Portuguese was the turning point, but even then Ghana had its chances against Portugal as we did in every game that we played. It could have been, it should have been.

I think to the sense of predatory anticipation every time Costa Rica's Joel Campbell touched the ball. I wonder why it took Wayne Rooney 75 minutes to realize that he had to come back to make deeper runs to shrug off his man-to-man marker - something that took James Rodriguez 25 minutes in Columbia's toughest match. Why didn't his manager simply signal from the bench since his star was being anonymous. The Hodgson Puzzle perhaps, and there have been many other puzzles this time. It could have been, it should have been.

I think to the fluency of the passing when teams really gelled. Colombia, The Netherlands and others. And Ghana. And Ghana... The 4 man game that Asamoah Gyan, Andre Ayew, Kwadwo Asamoah and Sulley Muntari sometimes offered was thrilling. I recall Kwadwo Asamoah's brilliant crosses and that last ditch tackle at the end of the Germany match. Turns out that that was not enough. It could have been, it should have been.

Soundtrack for this note

Abbey Lincoln - Should've Been (listen here)

One of my favorites from A Turtle's Dream. I still miss her desperately.

It's the sound of sorry
Looking yonder with regret
Sorry 'cause of what you got
And what you didn't get

Could've been another song
Would've been a sing along
Could've been, would've been
Should've been

File under: football, sports, drama, regret, world cup, Ghana, culture, observation, perception, Africa, toli