Showing posts with label experience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label experience. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 03, 2026

Category Mistake

I must say it was quite gracious
The reception to my latest mistake
Indulgent and polite, they were, my family gave me a break
Tolerant, that time, in the face of yet another faux pas

For that morning, I noticed that the oats weren't at all popular
Huh? Was it another case of the princess and the brown sugar?
I wondered quizzically what the subtle difference was in the flavor
Worried, perhaps, that my taste buds had been afflicted by the Corona

But it was a more mundane class of category error
A substitution - for the spice bottles looked so similar
Oops, instead of cinnamon I had picked up the paprika
Aha, that explained those curious flecks of red powder

...

A class of category error that I should really avoid
Stems from keeping my bottle of eye drops
And hand sanitizer in the same bag

When you're tired and your eyes are watery,
You reach for the small bottle, and you apply the drops and...
Well, you get the picture

...

A kettle is not an iron
- size, shape and steam to the contrary,
It is unwise to mistake the one for the other

#ModernProverbs

...

Error is a poor friend but an excellent teacher


Presentation Pete - Scared Pete (Office Life)

Category Errors, a playlist


Call it poetic licence that I branded a garden variety mistake as a category mistake in one of the examples above, truth be told there is a full spectrum of mistakes. In any case, a soundtrack for this note (spotify version) File under: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Writing log. October 26, 2022

Tuesday, February 04, 2025

The Parental Cone of Silence

The parental cone of silence is hard to exit
All-encompassing, it is very hard to resist
Sleep deprivation is the moving force, and it accumulates
Slowly at first, then it catches up on you suddenly, the sleep deficit
But there's no way to prepare for this cognitive theft
When your circadian rhythms are arbitrarily disrupted
And the little bundles of energy leave you exhausted
Witness your bleary eyes when you find yourself spent
After running on the initial fumes of elation, you find very little left

The parental cone of silence is a sort of sink
Responsibility, and the duty of care for the offspring
If you're lucky, you can share the burden with a kind of a zone defense
But, even with the best assistance, you're still apt to be depleted
A different story every day, labor in manifold forms, and always intense
Silence also seems like a misnomer when ear-splitting cries are your daily bread

As they grow older the quality of the challenge varies
Different demands arise as they develop their personalities
It's a wonder to behold their peccadillos, their eccentricities
And the conversations you have make you forget when you were running on empty
There's nothing like it, the joys of parenthood have to be experienced
But it's worth acknowledging upfront the parental cone of silence


at the newborn care class


Parenthood, a playlist


A soundtrack for the little bundles of energy. (spotify version)


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Writing log: July 2, 2022

Tuesday, April 25, 2023

The First Time

The first time I stepped on a plane, it took a bag of candy
The first time I stepped off a plane, my stomach learned what my mother held, namely that I shouldn't be greedy

The first time I made to kiss
The first time, I do believe, I missed

The first time wasn't the greatest
The first time was about togetherness

The first time the blow came towards me on the playground
The first time I beheld that turning the other cheek, as a practical philosophy, stood on shaky ground

The first time I held someone back, and said cool down your temper
The first time I myself exercised restraint, that one I remember

The first time I practiced what I preached
The first time I was well and truly deceived

The first time I made a lasting friend
The first time, as god is my witness, I realized there would be no end

The first time I had no shame
The first time I played that game

The first time I heard you sigh
The first time I made you cry

The first time I swallowed my pride, and tried to conjure a smile
The first time something small inside me irrevocably died

The first time I bore the strength of my convictions
The first time I betrayed my heart, it was confounding

The first time the car flipped and I pulled my cousin as he tried to leap out of the window
The first time I saw someone die, and learned that no one is promised tomorrow

The first time the dam broke, unbidden, and out poured the torrent of tears
The first time I remembered the feeling and cried harder, even after all those years

The first time I revealed something of myself, I felt as if I was nude
The first time I broke the veil was really just a prelude

The first time I heard my daughter's cry
The first time my son broke that mischievous smile

The first time the customary pay raise to beat inflation was summarily denied
The first time they called it a resource action, the coinage letting me know that I was fired

The first time I trafficked in fictions
The first time I mastered the art of misdirection

The first time the soldiers came to the house, I was nine years old
The first time exile beckoned that dawn in the Amsterdam airport, good Lord, it was cold

The first time that class of five year olds burst into laughter at how I pronounced pipe in French
The first time, months later, this 9 year old skipped four grades, and exacted a kind of revenge

The first time I was lampposted I thought it was quite rude
The first time I lampposted someone, it was I that was being cruel

The first time I was plagiarized I was outraged and furious
The first time Ghana beat the USA at the World Cup I was delirious

The first time I laughed so hard I couldn't believe the extent to which I was amused
The first time the full weight of human malevolence left me feeling abused

The first time I faced overt racism I was quite confused
The first time I faced microaggressions I was rather bemused

The first time I visited a zoo was in London, 1980, the special exhibit was a white man in a cage
The first time I was taunted about my race, I retorted that "You, yes you, are the ignorant savage"

The first time I run unthinking towards the burglar coming up the stairs I couldn't believe
The first time I rushed my son to the emergency room, like him I could hardly breathe

The first time I failed, there was a mountain of regret
The first time I made a conscious decision to forget

The first time a reader said thanks for what you're doing
The first time my dad said my poetic gestures were improving

The first time I grew something successfully from seed
The first time I wrote a poem that I thought I could keep

don't mind your wife chop bar at the local market

The First Time, a playlist


A soundtrack for this note (spotify version) Timing is everything
Observers are worried

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Writing log: May 8, 2021

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Books of Nima

A note I've been meaning to write for perhaps 6 months to "Sir Sky", the author of The Sea and the Bells; a conversation about Nima, a neighbourhood of the mind.

Part 9 of the Things Fall Apart series, this time an entry under the banner of Social Living...

I was looking over your shoulder during your year in Ghana, perusing your travelogue that I came across in a case of web serendipity (the Ghana tag at Technorati, in case you're wondering). When I first read you, and learned that you were going to be staying in Nima, I was apprehensive. Yours would not be the typical volunteer or expat experience; you weren't destined to have the servants, the driver and car, or the air-conditioned office. I don't know if you knew what you were getting yourself into, that you'd be going local and doing the slum housing thing and worse. As an Accra boy, albeit transplanted to Cambridge, I know all about the school of hard knocks called Nima. It looms large in the Ghanaian consciousness, even if there are many worse places these days as you know. It's very far from ideal as an introduction to a visitor.

ghana postcards


The fact that you were willing to give of yourself to us was very generous, and I don't know if Ghana fully reciprocated the generosity... The years from 1982 to 1988 broke the back of the Ghanaian people, and ever since, we've been struggling to recover from scarcity and arbitrariness. Thus we demand a lot of outsiders and of anyone who's been abroad. This is changing, and our current quiet stability is restoring our confidence in parts; still, not everyone has read that script, and the neediness can wear you down. For what it's worth, you're not the only one labelled oburoni; my mid-Atlantic self gets that designation every now and then when I'm home.

I was tempted at many stages to jump in: to suggest creature comforts or avenues that would have made things less wrenching for you. But as is the norm on this web, I remained dark matter, absorbing your energy. Still in mitigation of the head nods I omitted to send your way, I think your experience is all the more richer for being yours alone. Like your country's peacekeepers, you are one of Canada's great exports, and after your experience in Ghana, you'll breeze through anything back home.

You lived through countless lights out and experienced the wasted time spent dealing with simple things like water, food and transportation. And of course, there were those untrustworthy and maddeningly inconsistent people... It's the simple fruits of poverty; we lack infrastructure, physical and otherwise.

You had the daily struggle in that library without resources, where you taught the adult literary classes and wrangled to teach those neighbourhood children. The ironies and absurdities about that task are worthy of a novel and hopefully you'll write one.

Osu library was the scene of some of my fondest memories of my childhood. It was well stocked and the librarians cared and worried about you. No one could ever tear me away from it, even at closing time. It was where I learned that books and ideas are important, where the parental challenges were investigated and puzzled over. Those books were a long winding road, to be read with care as their nuggets would reveal themselves, or the inconsistencies of an argument would appear in relief in the reading light. My greatest heartache about Ghana today is that very few children are getting the same opportunity. True, our lingua franca these days might be radio, television or this internet thing, but really, how many Ghanaians are participating in this conversational web? If only I could hear those missing voices... The notion that so few in my country can bury their heads in books on weekday afternoons or on a lazy Saturday morning at the library is cause for much distress. And don't get me started about what's happened to the Legon university bookstore. Must everything be utilitarian? Is a country without whimsy worth worrying about?

African by Kagyah


I think the emotional violence could have been avoided, and, certainly the physical violence should have been avoided. My heart leaped at such times, but still I kept silent and read on. Nima is such an insular place, it is very wary of outsiders as you probably found. In the past it was where rural migrants came to partake of the Accra dream in the Gold Coast. Thus it has always been messy, and developed in fits and starts as befits the residence of those who live on the fringe.

Even today, two shacks away from the homes of proud middle-class schoolteachers you'll find the "Nima boys", selling 'wee', guns or worse, right under the Kanda highway and close to the police station. The boys can always be counted on to roust any political opposition come election time, and their hard knocks usually come for cheap. True, the stereotypes of Nima boys as uncouth, brash, vicious, and ill-educated are extreme, but they carry a kernel of truth about a small minority that lingers even in the relative prosperity of the moment. Across is a chop bar serving the best banku and fetri in town; Auntie Maggie's spot is packed during the day and there's nice fresh tilapia at night, shantytown chic as it were. Just around the corner is a drinking spot with people playing oware or dominoes and downing bottles of Star beer and Guinness in the early evening. Nowadays there are the occasional interruptions when they'll whip out the latest mobile phone ostentatiously: "talking loud and saying nothing".

But you saw all that and more, you saw how people "disciplined children" and how they meddled in each other's business — or not. As you found out, that "it takes a village to raise a child" business isn't happening much in the slums of Nima; too often it is the garden-variety anomie and indifference of urban life, something that wouldn't be out of place in any big city. I saw the same mix in Soweto a decade ago, although that was more upscale at the time, and well, Inman Square is what it is. It is true that given a few decades of development, Nima could become the Catford of Accra, and, believe it or not, it is much better today than it was in the sixties and seventies, but perhaps that progress is cold comfort for the struggles you faced.

I dug your observations on the press and on street life of Accra. Your look at the street cleaning exercises that took place earlier in the year was priceless. In the year 2006, they're finally worried about rubbish and overflowing gutters! And only for two weekends. Ah yes, that culture of maintenance that was so evident in your encounters with us. Perhaps you too have the journalistic impulse. And that water shortage in certain parts of town, Accra is straining at the seams; I was in Ghana at the time and noted as much, although we had water in our neighbourhood. You picked up on our tro-tro wisdom, our folktales, and the languid way in which we view the world. You even taught me that proverb from Northern Ghana:
"Trust God implicitly but always tie your camel up at night."
I don't know if that's where Ronald Reagan got his "trust but verify" shtick, but it's close. Still, Kweku Ananse's cunning and laziness can be a curse; living by your wits, hustling in short, is no substitute for the prosaic work of development, although it can be quite enjoyable.

I suspect that a lot of Ghana has rubbed off on you; we can be quite infectious (and not just in matters of public health). Do be careful that you don't break out into pidgin when you're back home interviewing for a job; our deconstruction of the English language has its own musical logic, and not everyone is ready for it.
Take care-oh.
And you saw the other side too, the havens of those expats who saw Ghana as a holiday, who kept to themselves and didn't engage with the country and its people. Hell they might as well have been living in Eden; your garden was good old Nima. Well at least you got to know us intimately; that has to count for something. We claim you as our soul sister, and will keep your heart hostage in our town.

Integrity by Kagyah


You even reported on the beginnings of the cholera outbreak that I encountered last Christmas. When my father began to warn me about taking precautions if I decided to eat out in town, I nodded my head knowingly; for a time you were my favourite Ghanaian newspaper.

And of course there were those malarial episodes, the fevers, the Larium dreams and those hallucinations. How much energy was dissipated in those sweaty nights and days? Those mosquitos, and their cargo of plasmodium falciparum; they are a poverty tax. We may throw our herbal medicine and "bitters" at them, but that is after the fact, to deal with the symptoms. The full panoply of mosquito nets, sprays and lotions counts for nought if you don't deal with sewers and the ever-present pools of stagnant water, or if parents will use their children's nets. And we all know about drug resistance: Darwin's evolution is intelligent design. Still, as they say, mosquitos don't discriminate. Not in Ghana, not on the island of Reunion, and certainly not in Cambridge. We're all singing the West Nile Blues these days. Some call it globalization; I know it as the Mosquito Principle.

You may only have lived in Nima for a while but you got the full Ghanaian experience, unvarnished and cacophonous; three centuries taking place simultaneously in those twisted back alleys. I'll admit to a sense of wistfulness in seeing my country anew through your eyes, and I want to hear more of your thoughts going forward as you carry Ghana in you. I hope we don't weigh too heavily on you. I wish I had been there on the ground; it's hard to be living vicariously through a Canadian woman.

As you'd expect, it's very painful for me as a proud Ghanaian that, almost 50 years after independence, we are still relying, nay depending on you, to teach us how to read, or even to school us about the importance of a book. To read, for God's sake. Hundreds of years after our chiefs started sending their children to Europe to learn these things and we haven't internalized the lessons... But then it works in the other direction, the West relies on people like me to make sense of its world - the technology world in my case. And your southern neighbour, that United States of Anomie, can be a similar school of hard knocks, and not just for lowly immigrants; you don't need to visit New Orleans to get the daily evidence. Still, I wish the cultural interplay was more balanced, that we could each walk tall, rather than smile sheepishly as we do and say, "Only in Ghana" or "That's how it is in Ghana". As if we can't do anything about it. As if it doesn't have to be this way.

You quoted Anthony Hopkins playing C.S. Lewis in Shadowlands:
"Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn. My God, you learn."
I'll suggest in response, our poet Kwesi Brew's book, African Panorama, and I'll quote one of his elegiac poems. You should recognize the subject matter.

The Slums of Nima


Three neighbours met,
And after a hurried, "I give you rest"
The two young men stood aside for the old man
to pass and then picked their way
in the opposite direction towards the alley on the left.
They were thieves who robbed with violence
But still they stood aside for the old man
And he thanked them.

In a bereaved world questions and comments
Fall on unhearing ears.
Only silence, understanding and
Belonging can put
A blind man's stick in the hands
Of a searcher in that night.

The crumbling walls have leaned
On their chests for decades!
The toll of breathing has shredded
Their lungs, and their eyes are sore
With the smoke of the wicker lamps.
And now we all stand at the edge
Of an abyss
Afraid to plunge headlong, or
Return to the dark of the night with them!
kwesi brew


Ghanaians are natural storytellers. We are cultural interpreters and urban griots; not for us Anglo-Saxon brevity. Even as we consider Kwesi Brew's abyss, or that heart of darkness, you'll hear the musical laughs and see our urge to understand. We want to change the perspective and open things up through observation and humour. As he wrote in another poem, and I won't give the punchline away, things must be sweet for Ghanaians:
How else could they laugh
Like they do when they should weep;
Remembering the voiceless days of the past.
It is quite poetic that you arranged for your class to travel outside Accra - to the beach no less, and even managed to get them that helicopter ride over the city. We are all so caught up in our black boxes, strangers in our own country. It is eye-opening to glimpse those different perspectives, and you too were being a cultural interpreter, making people see themselves anew. It was a small victory in your ongoing journey.

I really hope you don't take your journal down as you threatened recently. The pearls of experience therein are too rich to be simply discarded in the dustbin of the lost web. Allow Google to stumble over your throwaway experiments - they provide comfort even for an audience of one. I dug a lot of the writing (without a doubt, you're on the road to many books). The sound of a voice trying to make sense of an unfamiliar, frustrating yet endearing environment, the large and the small observations, all these things make for a historical document done in best tradition of the web style. The Sea and the Bells, at least that year's version, is a great snapshot of Ghana in the years 2005-2006, a personal introduction to be sure, but it constitutes a compendium of small things to be duly celebrated.

As you might guess, my preferred response to Things Fall Apart is small things: short cuts and bite-sized conversations that engage in the marketplace of ideas. I know you only as "Sir Sky" and the conversation has been one-sided until now. Consider this my opening gambit, my "so what's your name?" approach. I hope you like my brand of small talk; it's known as toli.

Dig: I'm sending some books to the Osu library. I hope it's still there and that someone will receive them. I can only hope that people are still reading. I've been carrying them all these years but never did anything about them; they make a glorious floorscraper. They'll be delivered in your name, and inscribed with the word Nima.

A belated head nod to you.

barbershop portrait and books


Next: Dilemmas.

See also: Poetry as Cultural Memory

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