Buyer beware... the conclusion of Buyer's Remorse
V. Caveat Emptor
Fifi had managed to procure a side deal
offering personal protective equipment
His firm had no experience in manufacturing
yet the profits he saw were indecent
The elders of the Ushers had vouchsafed
his bonafides and competence
For excessive scrutiny on the contracts
would betray a lack of confidence
Their scribes and linguists were keenly aware
about the prevailing tendency
With trend-surfing alacrity, they were obliged
to watch the mood of the country
The elders navigated the zeitgeist but, in this respect,
their strategy was crude
For although they disposed of the reins of power,
they did not create the mood
When in bubble territory, all was permitted
so long as there was a greater fool
To be left holding worthless assets
while you calmly counted your new jewels
It was explicit,
every man for himself,
they rather expected collateral damage
But, given that they'd been bailed out repeatedly,
they felt free to take every advantage
It was a risk worth taking, in extremis
they'd expect the treasurers to step in and lend freely
And as rule makers, nostrums about high rates or solvency
would be ignored rather conveniently
As to survival checks for the common folk,
they’d raise the issue of moral hazard and its specter
And jump up on their high horses,
loudly bemoaning handouts and welfare in scolding lectures
The Ushers had gone all-in with leverage
following a high risk strategy
But it turned out that they'd run up
against a fearsome and capable adversary
The Wan tribe had reserves of strength and discipline
that caused them to be underestimated
Inscrutable and hard working went the stereotype,
but their savoir faire was often discounted
They'd paid lip service to the entreaties
of the vulture capitalists that surrounded them
Opening up at their periphery but, as Ananse and Sika expected,
they didn't let their guard down
Thus the flow of money would be bound to continue as promised
The possibility of a lucrative payoff would be hard to dismiss
Middlemen in a two-sided network,
they collected their ample cut and transaction fees
It was now time to move on and,
as they tallied the profits, they were very pleased
They pitied the Ushers' eminent braintrust
of high officials with all their degrees
For these last had failed to perform due diligence
and were now no longer at ease
Indeed the Ushers' soothsayer sounded the cry,
"Cash, cold cash", and started a lament
As the returns came in and were reconciled,
the scale of the disaster became apparent
They appealed to the Grand Treasurers
to step in as buyers of last resort
But were surprised by the bankers' reponse:
"There's no buyer's remorse"
The lesson they were learning
was that buyer's remorse is a funny thing
At the time that you bought something,
you might have had some misgivings
But you went ahead, the impulse or the moment,
for whatever reason, it just felt right
But then you encounter a seller
who doesn't believe that the customer is always right
Later, you’ve changed your mind,
and now there's a
mountain of regret
Lamentations and suffering,
but you can't say that you were misled
To turn back the clock and retrace your steps,
the urge to recapture
Instead you're left rueing
the wages of your myopic misadventure
...
The folks from the
torrid zone stayed silent,
as ever, they were reactive
Lacking capital, they’d had to keep their heads down
and didn’t participate in this initiative
Those out of Agona had tried to heed the warnings of the gods
and follow their advice
Still, many in their ranks found it hard to live this life
of restraint and quiet sacrifice
The advocates of social living and the
mosquito principle were faced with a great dilemma
Soul insurance has always needed better public relations,
if not crises of power
Greed, expediency, and fear mongering
were the things that moved the political needle
Restraint was a hard sell,
the temptation was to seize the moment and veer towards the illegal
The gods observed the situation and gathered
in the private chambers of the Supreme Council
The claims adjuster narrated the many ways
in which the tribes had ignored his counsel
What with their philandering ways
and flagrant violations of common decency and more
Heck they had even flouted conventions
and needlessly initiated another cold war
Nyame and Nyankopon understood that further punishment was warranted
and quickly gave their blessing
Odomankoma and Asase Yaa wavered (they had a soft spot)
but saw the virtue of teaching human beings a lesson
The claims adjuster was given leave
to continue putting humanity through its paces
He promptly unveiled a
new variant that combined all the worst traits.
He was off to the races
"There's a heavy price to pay for wishful thinking
and this unseemly nostalgia
'Tis quite the pity, but you can't say you weren't warned",
intoned the claims adjuster
"Recall the Angolan proverb,
a woman who wants a child doesn't sleep in her clothes
It may sound harsh, but what one reaps come harvest time
depends on what one sows"
Your narrator, an exiled soul from the torrid zone,
must now take my leave, Dear Reader
And for the last word in this tall tale,
we have the quip from Ananse the Spider
Caveat emptor foremost,
then a piece of wisdom on buyer's remorse that never gets old:
The stone that lies at the bottom of the riverbed cannot complain about feeling cold
A
soundtrack for this note that frankly served as outline for this people's history. (
spotify version)
Buyer's Remorse (Series Index)
A covidious folktale
- Buying Opportunity
- Tempting the Town Crier
- The Situation Thereof
- Fair Warning
- Caveat Emptor
File under: humour, satire, culture, observation, folktale, Ananse, storytelling, whimsy, myth, coronavirus, pandemic, Social Living, Things Fall Apart, Observers are worried, Buyer's Remorse, hatchet job, covidious, poetry, toli
Writing log. May 9, 2022
